Dear Aggressor,
Let me start by saying that it's not me, it's you. You barely meet 35% of my "requirement" list and there was really no reason for me to even date you. I never wanted anything serious with you, at all.
.
Anyway, I caved in and dated you because you were "aggressive" about it. And I must admit that all the attention you gave me was flattering and fun. Perfect for "rebounding." I was quite honest with you about this.
.
Lately you are acting shady and weird. I told you I wasn't cool with this. Now you're trying to pull the "we're moving to fast" bullshit. HELLO, freak- that was all you. I put the breaks on like 25 times. So basically, this is just not fun for me anymore. And I'm over it.
.
So take a hike.
That is all.
.
PS: My friends think you're gay.
.
Song of the Day: You guys have any good "take a hike" songs??? I am drawing a blank here.
I'm sitting in a training course trying not to laugh out loud. The last comment threw me over the edge.
ReplyDeleteSorry it didn't work out. NEXT!!
How about Ray Charles "Hit the Road, Jack" or Paul Simon's "50 Ways to Leave your Lover"?
ReplyDeleteAs good as Paul Simon's song is, I don't think he's able to rhyme anything with "stop returning phone calls". It just doesn't seem to jive with "slip out the back, jack" or "hop on the bus, gus".
Hopefully he'll update it at some point soon.
Hit the Road Jack... thats the song for him... and yes, he is gay.
ReplyDeleteOMG! that is hysterical!!!
ReplyDeleteI figured he wouldn't last with a name like The Agressor.
ReplyDeleteI wish there was a song with the words douchebag in it; that would be so perfect here.
ReplyDeleteThe only ones that come to mind are totally 80s: Goodbye to You by some cheesola band, and The Tide Is High by Blondie. At least I think that's the name of it.
What a douchebag.
LMAO!
ReplyDeleteMost of the time the friends are right.
Taylor Swift, "Picture to Burn." It is SO PERFECT. Sample lyrics: "So go and tell your friends that I'm obsessive and crazy... that's FINE; I'll tell mine you're gay!" It's pretty good :)
ReplyDeleteFarewell to the aggressor, definitely sounds like its time to move on. I'm positive there are less aggressive, more compatible men out there just waiting for ya!
ReplyDeleteOk, that is hysterical. I got started giggling at "it's not me, it's you" and almost died at "my friends think you're gay." Hahaha!
ReplyDeleteSo long to him!
ReplyDeleteoh creepy!listen to your friends!
ReplyDeleteFirst, "next as a verb" is great. I shall have to work that into my conversations.
ReplyDeleteSecond, this brings up SO many other conversations. In my experience (and I realize people may have other experiences, but in MY experience), it seems like men get carried away with emotions much easier than women, but then freak out about it easier, too-- leading to "we're moving too fast" conversations AFTER he was the one to put the original pressure on! Sheesh!
Ok. I'm done with my sweeping generalizations. Apologies if they offended.
For the last song, there is the "To the Left" song, or the old "These Boots Are Made for Walking"-- but it's you walking away and not him. But I think in a pinch it could work.
Keep running-- by the way, my personal favorite first date is a run. True, I don't look as cute as I can showered with makeup but hey-- you find out if he has endurance (tee hee) AND if it doesn't work, at least everyone got some exercise in, so it wasn't a waste of time.
I use one of these
ReplyDeleteIt's part of the "catch and release" program. Much more humane than keeping them.
Haha! Later, Aggressor! Peace out, loser...
ReplyDeleteMen. That's about all I have to say about that.
Song: how about the one that goes, "Never gonna get it, never gonna get it..."
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ReplyDeleteHa ha- sorry, I don't mean to laugh, but that "letter" was classic.
ReplyDeleteWho needs him anyway? You're in training mode now, and there are plenty of (better) fish in the sea. Plus, 35% is way below a passing grade.
Thanks for the info on the bun. The first time mine worked I had it in a ponytail, then wrapped it around and bobby-pinned it. Yesterday, it was only bobby-pins. I've tried wrapping rubber bands around it, but it just slips right out.
Too bad we can't meet up in Denver, since my brother is moving there in a couple weeks and I could probably crash at his place. But the Hubs has put his foot down on anymore big expenditures for a few months (we just paid off his car), and we may need to buy a new oven. Soooo, alas, no travels for me anytime soon. = (
Hahaha peace out dude!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHA! You have to love the friggin crazy ones. Oh the joys of dating.
ReplyDeleteFOMC-ROFLMAO!
ReplyDeleteBreak up songs are my FAVORITE! I have a whole playlist of them :) Enjoy the new options. There's a lot of them out there!
ReplyDeleteSo long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night...
ReplyDeleteNext, indeed!
You so crack me up.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could find my "minimum requirements for this open position" thing that I had wrote years ago. It was a job application basically for men that I used to hand to guys that would hit on me or my friends.
I'm kinda starting to freak about Portland. Like weepy freak. I'm such a wuss :-).
Congrats on your change in relational status :-).
I've got nothing. I've lived through far too many relationships with far too many losers...
ReplyDeleteCongrats for moving on!
LOL !!!!!
ReplyDeleteBrilliant post! NEXT!! That's what i always say!! I'm just saying!
ReplyDeleteHey, i have to put you on my blog links! Is that cool???
Dear Aggressor,
ReplyDeletePlease don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out.
*************
Love it!
35% it was doomed from the start!
Love 'em and leave 'em.
ReplyDeleteNEXT!
A great song for this dork is SUCK MY LEFT ONE by Bikini Kill. Go rock it out.
ReplyDeleteRebounders are only good for a few weeks anyways, right?
p.o.m. you crack me up girl! You must be fun on a long run!!!
ReplyDeletethe ps? ALWAYS a fave of mine.
ReplyDeleteMiz.
song? mine would be HIT THE ROAD JACK (is that even the title?!)
ReplyDeleteRay Charles for sure.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Carly, friends can smell a loser from a mile away LOL
ReplyDeleteLMAO
ReplyDeleteDefinitely a looser
Had to laugh at the comment, "my friends think you're gay." Time to move onto the next guy.
ReplyDeleteLMAO!! "My friends think your gay." HAHA
ReplyDeleteOMG, sooooooo funny! Peace out Agressor!
ReplyDeleteAs for songs...most of the break up related songs that I know are full of anger, clearly not applicable here! I do have 2 for you (sort of), the first one is super teeny bopper - "So Yesterday" by Hillary Duff, and the "U and Ur Hand" by Pink.
Enjoy moving on!
Heh...what a 'bag.
ReplyDeleteWe women sometimes date men who chase us hard because it's flattering and let's face it, we're doing them a favor. We like to do favors. In return, we expect loyalty and...well if you're me, a marriage proposal as a minimum expression of gratitude. :-)
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't work cuz...when you're not with the right guy, you're not your best self. Our false generousity, with ourselves, is just the beginning stages of "settling". He did you favor. YOU do not have to settle! NEXT.
Oh man! Good girl for kicking him out AND for telling him why. And if you need some back-up you've got all of us to kick some more.
ReplyDeleteIn England we'd call him a w*nker. Yes insert first letter of alphabet. Tosspot. Oh and the ego of the guy as well!
OUT!
HAHAHAH I am actually picturing that show on MTV. Yes I watch it sometimes with the other tweeners. Shiz it is better than Oprah.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe he pulled the we are moving too fast. Wmm he wishes.
OK I love to throw this song around like the band sends me a royality. Rocket "Mean To You" I think it is a great song for the occasion.
* ok that would be my typical pause of ummm
ReplyDeletenot Wmmm WTH
ROFLMAO!!!
ReplyDeleteOMG "too chicken say this so I will just stop returning his calls"
I LOVE THAT!!!
sorry about the aggressor, but this has made my Friday AM!!!
my friends think your gay-----SERIOUSLY, ROFLMFAO!!!!
Sorry for being a bit late to this party, but great post. A...B...Cya jackass!!
ReplyDeleteHILarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteNEXT!!! Awesome.
ReplyDeleteWell, damn. Tell me how you really feel. LOL
ReplyDeleteI hope that he reads your blog (does he?) or you actually gave that too him. Marvellous.
ReplyDeleteHA HA. I'm glad you're handling it so well. ;^) I love the next sign. He sounds like he is trying to play head games. Sorry dude, you picked the wrong girl. :D
ReplyDelete