Thursday, March 27, 2008

Confidence

Where does confidence come from?

No, I'm not going to write another preachy blog about how we should all be confident and all that B.S. Instead, I'm taking another twist on the subject.

Why are MEN so much more confident than WOMEN?

This is a proven fact according to the P.O.M. Institute of California (which is made up by POM, POM's coworkers, friends and sister.) Several scientific studies has been put together by the Institute. My friend at GREY MATTERS has put her life on hold for the sake of our research project.

Take for instance, the whole "on line dating" phenomenon (Grey Matters expertise).
Just look at the difference in how a woman describes herself vs. how a man describes himself.


Woman: Tall, curvy with a big smile and bright blue eyes. Obsessed with running and health foods. (ummm... NO, that is not a description of me. Ok, maybe it is)
POM Institute Research: There is a 80% chance that this is an accurate description.


Man: Tall, dark and handsome. Interested in music and the arts. Loves going out and having fun.
POM Institute Research: This is what you get when you meet him(see photo to right)


Seriously people.
Why are men so much more confident then women?
Let's talk about this.
Do you find the same thing in your dating pool/circle of friends?

27 comments:

Leenie said...

I don't think those examples show confidence, just creative thinking. And male confidence may just be cockiness and an inability to deal with the situation

chia said...

If that dude described himself that way I would be more likely call it "insecurity" than confidence.

P.O.M. said...

Disclaimer: This dude isn't really on match, as far as I know. I just used him as an example. Kinda mean, but it fit my opinion. And don't we all search for evidence to back up our own opinions? I know i do :)

Lily on the Road said...

We as women tend to over think things, guys just go by what feels good at the moment....

BTW, he looks like a guy I went to school with in the 60's. hahahaha

D10 said...

In my experience, I have known many confident women. However, in general I think women are more worried or conscience about what others (both male and female) will perceive them as being or what others think. Man on the other hand, don’t seem to be as worried with what others think (ie. if the hair looks good, outfit fits just right, have cute shoes, decent job, fun friends, smell nice, etc).

Judi said...

I did the Match.com thing all last summer and you are so right! Those guys do think they are The Shit. One guy used an old pic from like 15 years ago and when I met him, he had this gut, and he tucked his shirt in! EWWWWW. I was like, "you totally need to update your picture, now see ya".

Glam said...

This is sooooo funny because I'm going through this right now! I'm doing the online thing and I find myself seriously questioning a large portion of the men on there. Where does their confidence come from? I would call it delusional. It must be an epidemic!

I on the other hand tried to be 100% honest, confident, yet modest. It's a hard combo to pull off!

Non-Runner Nancy said...

All the pressure to be smart and thin and pretty in order to be worthy? Just a guess. :D

P.O.M. said...

GLAM- I'm so glad you know what i'm talking about. It's a crazy phenom. I think you have to be in the dating world to get it. I just want to shake these a-holes and say "DUDE, you are NOT all that!"

NANCY - hmmm... you are definately on to something here!

AnthonyP said...

That picture makes me cringe.

TriGirl Thea said...

You're talking about confidence in ones looks right? Not confidence as a whole.

Maybe its because as women our worth is often measured in relation to our looks. And in my experience, its other people (ie blokes) who have the power to decide whether we make the grade.

Men on the other hand tend to be valued (by society) for other qualities, like wealth or success...

But the fact they exaggerate/lie doesnt suggest theyre confident...quite the opposite I think

Marcy said...

I was going to say the SAME thing as d10, but she said it better LOL. Women tend to downplay because of what others might think.

I am SOOOO LMAO at that pic HAHAA

Meg said...

I agree with D10 as well. Also, I've noticed there's a couple kinds of confidence with women (or people?). Some women are confident in that they know they are fantastic, smart, attractive women, but maybe get intimidated by others. I've also known women who project confidence but when you get to know them they don't value themselves much. Maybe guys just have projecting confidence down.
That guy's shorts are gross!

Crystal said...

Women seem to be judged so much harder on their looks and personalities than men, even by other women, which makes us feel less confident.

That and men seem to be either really cocky or clueless about themselves.

Mendy said...

Yeah, I don't (or never really have had) much confidence. Women worry about how they're perceived by other women and men could care less.

I gotta ask where did you get that picture? That's scary. It's a very bad combination of clothing and accessories. ouch.

Zombie Mom said...

Just dropping by to say hello and, wow, did this post bring up memories of dating for me...

Kelly O said...

OMG this is so true. And then in addition to this there is the added phenomenon of the dorkiest men having the MOST confidence and bravado about approaching women...especially at my gym. I had a guy come up to me, while I was in a plank position WITH MY IPOD ON, tap my shoulder, ask me to get up. Then he's like, I noticed you workout with a trainer, can you show me some adductor exercises?? Then he goes into a long story about breaking up with his fiancee and how he still has the VERY EXPENSIVE RING.....Good Lord!! I too am now dating again after a lovely divorce and it is SCARY. We really should post a study comparing the correlation between gender and ego/self confidence. Would be too entertaining. I remember one guy that IM'd me and within 5 seconds of "meeting" me online asked for my measurements and then told me about his "rock hard abs". Goodness.

AddictedToEndorphins said...

Hm,
In my little circle of University friends, generally the guys are more confident than the girls. You rarely get a girl going up to a guy (unless of course there is alcohol involved). It doesn't make any logical sense, but it happens. I guess women are just more afraid of getting shot down and rejected than guys.

There are, however, definately exceptions to this rule. I have a friend who introduces herself to everyone and a guy friend that doesn't talk. So.

Its probably just the social norms that people are brought up in; even today in a lot of places women are seen as fragile rather than independent.

I find however, there is a fine line between confidence and cockiness.

So thats my 2 cents

J~Mom said...

I totally agree with you. I think women are wired to be people pleasers and so much of what we do is centered around that. At least that is how it is for me anyway. :>P

Funny pic!!

katieo said...

ok, kelly o's plank pick-up totally had me laughing. as did the picture...

I haven't dated in uh. a long time. But I'd agree with the other comments, I think women are naturally a little harsher on themselves.

Cara said...

I have no idea why, but it is totally true. or at least guys ACT more confident than women. I am a true feminist so I know I am just as awesome. hahaah.

SLB said...

It's got to be said that a confident women can be sexy but an over confident one can be scary. It's something that comes from within and I think it's like presenting; if you know your topic then you're comfortable so maybe the issue is knowing yourself?

Anne said...

Evolution. There's more women than men which means even hippies in loud spandex shorts can expect to attract someone, if only for a night.

RunnerGirl said...

I'm sorry, I can't focus on any words of wisdom b/c I can't take my eyes off of that hideous picture!

Heather said...

I don't know that it's confidence, per se, I think it's probably more of a laid back attitude about things. I think some women are so tied up in thinking that THIS GUY HAS TO LIKE ME OR I WILL DIE. PLEASE LIKE ME. And men are just so much more laid back, like if it clicks, it clicks. They don't have so much of themselves invested in the process.

Please note: the aforementioned does NOT pertain to online dating. Although my very good friends met through eHarmony and are now getting married, I think online dating is great for an ego boost and to get into the practice of dating, but in general, I found it fairly disastrous.

I have no idea if this had anything to do with it -- and I HATED hearing this kind of stuff from married friends when I was single -- but as soon as I relaxed and told myself whatever happens happens, I met my husband.

Brianna said...

Well . . . the guy looks happy in his own little world!

It does make me glad to be married, though!

Run For Life said...

Haha, I completely agree with the POM Institute. This is why I am perfectly fine in my singledom for now. I'm happy to be me and if I meet someone by chance that'll be great. I've had enough of subjecting myself to self absorbed idiots!