Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Looking In

So yeah, remember when I said that Bikram yoga quieted my mind?

Well, today it didn't. I don't know if it was the big fat burger my dad made me eat, or the fact that I was at a funeral earlier in the day, or that the Captain and I are talking again or maybe even that the room wasn't hot enough (ok, now that's just crazy talk). But my mind was all over the damn place. I still felt great and I am really starting to see improvements in the postures. Yippy for that.

Being at the funeral (only the 2nd in my life) really made me think about weird stuff. I have been sooooo blessed to have only lost one grandfather at this point. The funeral today was the mother of a very good friend of mine. I practically grew up at their dining room table. Her mom was like my 2nd mom, especially when my parents got a divorce and my mom was a single parent. Seeing my best friend there, now without BOTH of her parents, just made me realize how important family and true friends are. There is so much to handle at a time like this and thank God she has such a huge support system. Her mom was such an amazing woman and I was definitely blessed to have her in my life.

It made me think, do I have a support system like that? Do I have people in my life that would stop everything and sit day and night in the hospital with me? Who would step up and do all the things that need to get done?

What's more important to me is - Am I the kind of friend that would do that for others? I would like to hope I am. I only visited this lady ONCE in the hospital. Once. That is shitty of me. I get so bogged down in my routine that I alienate myself, even from my family. This is something I really want to work on.
I have been working on the "outside" of my body for so long.
It is time to start to bring the focus inward.

Song of the day: You Wouldn't Like Me by Tegan & Sara

26 comments:

Angry Runner said...

Leave the Captain alone, chase me around instead.

With this whole inward focus of yours and the questions you posed in teh last two paragraphs here: The fact that you're pondering these things means that you are one of those people who would do such things for others. You'll know what you have to do when the time comes...you'll make the right decisions. That said, I hope bad things don't happen to you, and don't be overly eager to be "that person". Actually, I hope you never have to be. It's not fun.

carla said...

Do I have people in my life that would stop everything and sit day and night in the hospital with me? Who would step up and do all the things that need to get done?
-----------------
Ive been thinking that lately and, echoing the commenter above, shall answer FOR YOU *yes.*

I try to remind myself that THAT is the important stuff.
not the money made (or, sigh, lack thereof) or possessions accrued.


MizFit

Meg said...

Sorry to hear about your friend's mom. Those are some really great questions. We should probably all ask ourselves those questions occasionally and think about that. Thanks for posing them!

Kelly O said...

I'm not sure what has been more of a joy for me, working on my inside or my outside.....I think that when you work on both, you will succeed more than ever in all things.
;-)

Victoria said...

Thanks for your comment the other day. I like to think that I'm a fun person to run with, but maybe that's just vanity speaking...

Reading your post today-- that's not weird stuff to think about. It's hugely important stuff to think about, and one of the things I like about this blog is that you're honest about it.

I was thinking about your "trying to stop my mind" post the other day (and today) and it reminded me of one of my favorite quotes ever: "For a fully enlightened being, the difference between what is neurosis and what is wisdom is very hard to perceive, because somehow the energy underlying both of them is the same." (Pema Chodron) This gives me great comfort in times of neurotic mind-craziness...

Carly said...

I am so sorry to hear about your friend's mother. It is always so hard to lose someone that you are close to. I agree, these life changing events makes one think about things.

The Young Family said...

Do I have people in my life that would stop everything and sit day and night in the hospital with me? That is such a double edge sword for me.
When my daughter was born with two tumors my best friend was there day and night. 12/03

When my hubby was airlifted to the hospital from our home June 24, 06 my best friend was there day and night for weeks.

I know the importance of having a loved one there. I was the person in need. My best friend died suddenly this last Jan. I can only hope and pray that I am there for my other friends and family like the way she was there for me. Truly taught me the importance of friends and family. It is never to late to be the person you have always wanted to be!

Sorry for your loss. I know how deep the pain can be. Keep your head up, I think we are suppose to change and ask these types of questions when we lose a loved one.

Em

Marcy said...

I'm sorry for your loss, chica :-(

teacherwoman said...

I am lucky too, and have only really lost my grandmother on my dad's side. That and a friend that was my age. I think that you learn a lot from a close person who you've lost and their trials that they battled up to their death. I know I have. They have both had a positive effect on my life... and others.

BeachRunner said...

I am sorry about your loss.

TNTcoach Ken said...

It’s funny how funerals, weddings and babies make us look at ourselves. We could all use a little personal spring cleaning. Sorry for your loss.

Nitmos said...

These are things we all think of at those kind of times. Comfort yourself with a little Captain (kidding).

Sagan Morrow said...

Funerals can be really rough. But at least it presents some kind of closure... sorry to hear about it.

Runner Leana said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend's mom. You bring up such an important point. We are striving to be the best us outside, but we can't forget about being the best us on the inside too. I think that is one of the things that I like about yoga so much. It isn't just about the body, it is also about the mind and what you want out of life - it really impacts your practice. I realize I don't know you, but from your blog and the fact that you think about these things - yes, you are that person that would be there for someone. But like Angry said, I hope you don't have to be.

Steve Stenzel said...

It was probably the Captain.

And sorry for you loss. Good luck with the inward "fitness."

Debbie said...

I'm really sorry about your friend's mom. I thinking working inward as well as outward is always key.

Viv said...

I am sorry for the loss of your friend's Mom. It surely makes one think of the ones close to us and if we are in their lives enough.

Routine is what keeps us sane at times.

Lily on the Road said...

So sorry to hear about your friends Mom, very, very sad.

You do have a wonderful support group...you know they would be there for you in a moment.

When you are ready, that is when the universe presents itself to begin working on a different aspect of growing, learning and healing.

You have worked on the outside, now it is time to look inward.

Lily on the Road said...

So sorry to hear about your friends Mom, very, very sad.

You do have a wonderful support group...you know they would be there for you in a moment.

When you are ready, that is when the universe presents itself to begin working on a different aspect of growing, learning and healing.

You have worked on the outside, now it is time to look inward.

Glam said...

I have to think that someone that can touch other people's lives and inspire *just* from the Internet is also the same kind of gal that fosters healthy, stable and loving relationships in "real life" too. I can safely assume - just knowing you through BlogLand - that you do have a support system like that.

And if you even find yourself in need, log in to Blogger and up the P.O.M signal - we'll come runnin'!

Oh, and the Captain??!!! Plan on sharing that nugget soon? *she asks nosily*

Xenia said...

Sorry for your loss. Good luck on your inward-focused journey.

ThickChick said...

I echo the sentiments other have posted above... Sorry for your loss and I appreciate the reminder of prioritizing. In this nutty world where so much is expected of us, on so many levels, it is humbling to realize that it's our bonds with others that truly matter.

Oh... and reply to Glam's comment please... Inquiring minds want to know! ;)

The 311 Boys Mom said...

I'm the go & sit with person. But when it’s me or my kids; only my mom, dad & brother are there. no friends, no other family; well, my aunt, when she can; she lives out of state.

My first funeral, I was 30, it was my Grampa; I’ve since been to 3 kid/baby funerals & my Father in law......

I have NO idea what I would do if something happened to my parents.

we're pretty close in age (17 yrs between us) & although they're still my parents, they are my friends & I need them. I’m getting all teary eyed just thinking about not having one/both of them. . . . .

you probably have the support & just don’t know it---thank your lucky starts you haven’t had to find out.

Haley said...

Everything that Glam said. :)

Kristen said...

loved this post jess... could've written it myself! i think this was the friend who e-mailed you when you were at my house, right? want a more intimate update re: your dates and re: el cap. Let's chat soon!

*aron* said...

i'm so sorry for your loss girlie... you are a GREAT AMAZING person :)