Monday, June 30, 2008

Tourist Rant

Dear Tourists,

It is that time of year where non-beach dwellers flock to the sun, surf and sand that is my 'hood. I don't mind sharing this beautiful area with you (cough *lie*) as long as we can get a few things straight:
(Photo borrowed from the OC Register)
  1. Pick up your trash. Your beer cans and bags of Doritos not only give you a fat ass, they don't need to litter my street, as well.
  2. Look both ways before you cross the street or boardwalk. If you just walk without looking, you will get knocked the F out by a car or a bike or even a runner. In the same arena, hold your kids hands because if they run across the boardwalk they, too will get knocked the F out.
  3. When walking or riding a bike on the boardwalk the "rules of the road" apply. In other words, ride on the right hand side. No, it's not funny for you to go on the left hand side and pretend that you're going to run into someone. It's annoying and stupid, just like you and your mullet.
  4. If you decide you need to stop to adjust your fanny pack/pick your ill-fitting swimsuit out of your ass/take a picture/light a ciggie/pick your teeth/fix your socks & sandals, please do not do this in the middle of the boardwalk. Move to the side! You are only setting yourself up to get knocked the F out, as well.
  5. Cover-Ups people. Enough said.

Peace Out. Holla.

34 comments:

Alisa said...

Haha. Soooo true! Love the cover-up comment...

Do you ever stop and think why they even make bikini's in XL? (Not that I'm an XS or anything but really...)

M*J*C said...

Excellent post! Seriously, what is up with people still wearing fanny packs to the beach???

BeachRunner said...

Love today's rant. I think these rules should be posted and enforced in every supermarket and warehouse store too.

eurydice said...

ooooh that's gonna be me in less than a month! :o)

*aron* said...

i soooooo related to this on sat when i was running in SF. i was about to push some people over! hehe

Matt said...

I seriously cant believe people still wear fanny packs?

WTF?

RazZDoodle said...

Well, there's one advantage of living in the midwest. Not many tourists 'round here. *spits hayseed*

Jess said...

I agree with Matt....fanny packs? Really?

Sagan Morrow said...

Ah tourists. What is it that turns us kind of insane once we're away from home?

Non-Runner Nancy said...

Oh yeah, it's terribly here too. Hee hee. What's wrong with socks and sandals? :D

Jess said...

The good thing about this time of year is that even though it's hot as hell, it is the off season for tourism. Jan-Apr is peak season here. Then, it's drunk college students and snow birds gallore.

chia said...

What is with vacation monkeys seriously disregarding locals LIVE there. BOOOOO!

I fly into Portland Oct 1, leaving Oct 8. Let's compare schedules.

the gazelle said...

I'm suddenly sad that if I were to hit Venice Beach this weekend, it would be as a tourist and not a resident. There are times that I really, really, really miss living in Venice. *sigh*

As for why they make bikinis in XL - I had to buy an XL top (and a small bottom) - so I think that it's so that anyone who wants can have one. HOWEVER, if one is wearing a M bikini and should be wearing an XL, then the mocking can (and should) commence.

Christie said...

Hahaha!! And who the hell is rockin' a mullet? Please tell me you're joking.

Marcy said...

Ahhhhh one of the joys of NY. We're always the ones to come by your hood. And fanny packs?!?! Really?!? Those homies aren't from around my way LMAO!

teacherwoman said...

Just knock the F out of them Jess! I think you have the right! Especially if they have a mullet. yikes.

teacherwoman said...

... then, send them back to Marcy's hood... hahaha

Zombie Mom said...

I love this post... it had me giggling.. I was just having a mini-tourist hatred rant myself... mine had to do with the whole hey-you-are-in-a-big-city-now focus....

Still cracking up

AKA Alice said...

You go girl!

Knock the F out...priceless

Kevin said...

Love the rant. Having grown up in South Florida, I feel your pain

Angry Runner said...

FRIDAY! HA!

AddictedToEndorphins said...

Haha oh dear. Cover Ups! haha.
Just catching up. Great 14 miler! Keep it up!

Viv said...

Ewww pick an ill fitting swimsuit. I am glad you did not find a you tube video for that, even though I am sure there is a plentitud outthere. I mostly don;t pick at but lift and seperate.

Holla back

carla said...

especially that first one huh?

I can imagine that's a crazy maker!

MizFit

Mrs. K said...

love it- i have the opposite- the snow birds come here in oct/nov and oh my God all of the sudden it becomes hell.

N.D. said...

Hahhahaha, LOVE IT!!! Big poster would be great EVERYWHERE!

the Bag Lady said...

Gosh, around here it's the 90 year old, rich Americans driving their 40-foot long motorhomes, pulling their mercedes convertibles on a trailer behind them, on their way to Alaska. Poking along, getting lost, unable to turn their huge rigs around.... gotta love it. (Of course, you just know they are wearing their fanny packs!)
Hey! The Bag Lady wears a fanny pack sometimes - it's great for holding staples when you're fixing fence and you're already carrying a hammer, fencing pliers, and a wire-stretcher! Don't need to carry a huge big ass pail of staples, too. (Y'all have no freaking idea what that all meant, do you?)

RunnerGirl said...

See, this is why living in Ohio is a good thing. We never have to deal with tourists here :)

Xenia said...

I totally feel your pain. My locale is also tourist central. I hate them all, especially the foreign student groups.

The Laminator said...

Holla, Holla. P.O.M. 'Nuff said.

Lily on the Road said...

I'm laughing too hard to leave a comment!!

Judi said...

I felt the same way when I lived in SF.

jeff said...

seriously, that's one of the main reasons i stopped running the newport boardwalk...the madness during the summer was just too much.

now, winter? that is awesome. that stretch south of the pier down to the wedge is great and you can see everyone's christmas trees.

back bay is a much tamer place for long runs [only you're looking at being more strategic about your fluids and bathroom stops]. plus, you have the san diego creek trail running all the way to spectrum. OR the san diego creek trail...hardly any traffic on that trail.

jeff said...

duh. i meant the aliso creek trail.

i blame the sun and glare from my run in back bay at lunch. it cooked my brain. =)