Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Matt- The Trilogy

I met the third Matt on a pub crawl. This was probably not a good thing. First of all, he was wearing a T-Shirt with the sleeves cut off. I think it's the Midwestern guys version of a tank top. Anyway, he was drunk and annoying and all over me. But he had this accent like Matthew McConaughey and for some reason, he kinda looked like him, but with dark hair. Hey, he was tall & muscular and that was my number one "must have" at the time. I gave him my number, then ditched him.

He called that night. I didn't answer. He called the next day. We chatted every night that week and it must have been the accent, that sexy southern drawl that got me to agree to go out with him. After date number one, we were instant boyfriend/girlfriend. Have you ever had that? Where one date turns into an instant relationship? Well it did with M3. We had mutual friends, so we were just always together.

I have to admit we had our good times. I got him into running so we would do that together. He was a beach bum like me so we worshipped the sun together after our runs. We went to fun BBQ's, concerts, etc, etc. He was always "proud" to show me off, which felt good. He was the 2nd guy (after M2) that I dated after losing weight so this was new to me.

Something that bugged me from the beginning was that he wasn't very smart. I thought I could overlook this, but conversations started to get tedious. Plus he was opinionated and his opinions sucked. I remember driving home from Home Depot one day and it really hit me that we have nothing to talk about.

Then there was the tattoos. I don't particularly like tattoos, but I don't dislike them. He had 2. I brought him to a dinner party with some of my artsy, intellectual friends. M3 thinks a dinner party is a good time to show his tattoos and talk about their meaning. I'm sorry, but nobody freakin' cares about their meaning and it definitely doesn't warrant an hour story. Having a tattoo does not make you unique buddy. Everyone and their mama (including my mama) have them. Then the topic changed to a children's book about a squid (they were new parents at the time) and M3 said, "I don't know much about the ocean but I've always been fascinated by the sea." Everyone just stared at him. The hostess has not let me live this one down yet.

Then comes the sex. So the first time, I totally faked it. Sometimes it's just easier that way. The funny thing is that he thought since we both "ended" at the same time that we were meant to be. He talked about it all the time - how we were made for each other. It was quite funny, but the only person I could laugh about it with was my coworker. (Yes, I tell Spicy Latina EVERYTHING!)

Then the anger issues started. The first time it went like this:

We walked to the local market and picked up groceries to make a fantastic home cooked meal, including 2 expensive steaks. I paid for them. Oh, I forgot to mention he was 'in between jobs' at the time. We get home and I start preparing the side dishes when I hear some vulgarity from the patio. He storms in, yells "The F'ing BBQ is out of F'ing gas" and throws the steaks in the garbage! He was ranting and raving and huffing and puffing over something so small (and fixable). I was pissed that he threw the steaks away. This was our first fight. I just grabbed my stuff and walked out the door.

This becomes our pattern of fighting. He is not a good fighter. He screams, he cusses, he says very mean things. I just leave. Then he calls and says he's sorry.

Anger situation #2:
Again, we come home from the market with a bunch of groceries. It was 4th of July weekend and a several of us were going to hang at the beach, BBQ, etc. So we stocked up on bottled waters. Once back at his apartment, he was putting things away. I was sitting in the living room when bottled waters started flying across the room. He was cursing and screaming that they didn't fit in his refrigerator. So the next best thing is to throw them across the room?? I grabbed my stuff (again) and told him that he needs to calm down before I will hang out with him.

Our fighting and bickering got worse. He just irritated the crap out of me. Small things started to bug me. I tried to tell him I needed space, but he didn't know what that meant.

I broke it off with him via an "instant message."
I know that sounds pathetic, but I was afraid of his reaction.
I tried to be nice and said that I enjoyed spending time with him, but didn't feel the connection that he was feeling. I told him that I need more space and didn't think it would work out for us.

My phone rang instantly.
It was him.
He was pissed.

He started yelling at me and calling me names. I have never had anyone talk to me like this before. There was a lot of "F you" and "Who the F do you think you are?" It definitely reassured me that I was making the right decision to end it.


My all time favorite was when he called me an "O.C. Get Around Girl." I don't really know what that means, but it was hilarious. My friends and I thought it was so clever that I had a tank top made with that on it.


So that's M3. It's not as exciting as I had built it up to be.

I heard he's married now and moved back to where ever he came from. I wonder if he still throws water bottles and steaks. Ok, I don't really wonder at all.

34 comments:

the gazelle said...

It's so fun to date someone with anger management issues, isn't it? And who throws steaks away? That's insane! That'd be like throwing away a full bottle of wine because your wine rack was full!

(I had that dilemma the other day - the solution? Drink the extra bottle of wine - storage problem solved!)

aron said...

LOL these stories are great :) at least you (and all of us) can laugh about it now.

Chic Runner said...

These stories are so funny! I love then, ha ha what in the heck is up with you and fighting after the market. Well I'm glad you broke it off with him, you deserve so much better. ;)

Billy Burger said...

Sounds like a white version of Chris Brown to me. Good riddance.

Bootchez said...

It's so interesting to hear what people (including myself) think about past relationships, and how time can change the perspective. One thing to always remember is time+tragedy=comedy (learned that one from an old boyfriend, natch!).

Alisa said...

Yikes...who throws away good meat???!!!!!

I've never dated an angry guy and I'm so glad. I think you were right to end on IM...who wants to see what happens to an angry-steak-thrower when he gets dumped?

Tammy said...

Now, see, here's where you were smart... you didn't let him move into your house. Try booting out an unemployed jerk that doesn't want to leave. Ai yi yi!

Good riddance is right with this one.

I need to go home now. I think I have one too many bottles of wine in my wine rack.

Jogger said...

Poor steaks.

I love the tank top!

Amber said...

Hahaha oh man, what a spaz case! I can just imagine you sitting there and water bottles come flying into the room!

At least you got a good story out of the whole nasty situation.. Haha.

Runner Leana said...

Oh my god, I can't believe he threw out perfectly good steaks! Sounds like you are much better off without him. Who needs a guy with anger management issues?

Christine said...

so will there be an M4? haha...I think you learned your "M" lessons

AnthonyP said...

"Then comes the sex. So the first time, I totally faked it. Sometimes it's just easier that way. The funny thing is that he thought since we both "ended" at the same time that we were meant to be."
----------------------------
ARGH !!! I love your posts - but this is so over my head and now makes my head spin.

teacherwoman said...

Wow! Glad to hear you made the right decision and got out of that relationship!

Marathon Maritza said...

WHOA, those are NOT healthy reactions to being frustrated! Thank goodness you got out of THAT one! Hahahaha, boys can be so dumb.

This is so not you, but given your posts lately of horrible BFs, have you seen this site before? http://sorry-mom.com

Oh gawd it's just awful...and WRONG.

carrie said...

Since he knows so much about it, maybe he really meant Oh SEA Get Around Girl!

Charmaine said...

Holy mother of God. Is that the Matt I met at the Gnarls Barckly concert?

If so, he may have brainless but he WAS cute.

That's the night Vern concluded that if I could sit through an entire Gnarls Barckly concert that, clearly, we had nothing in common.

Jon (was) in Michigan said...

I don't get it. I'd be throwing the grill around in the backyard.

What?

:)

IRJessica said...

Yikes. Sounds like you majorly dodged a bullet.

Sarah said...

Why, why, why do we do that to ourselves?? At least you got a shirt out of it!

Maddy said...

I would have been so pissed about the steaks.

Glad you kicked him to the curb!

Thanks for sharing the M trilogy with us.

Sarah said...

That was thoroughly entertaining... totally made me smile and I need that today. Thanks!!!!

Zombie Mom said...

Your men stories have me cracking up.... and they bring back so many memories from my decades of dating... sigh... good and bad....

Marcy said...

Holy shiz!! That's just insane LOL

healthy ashley said...

This Matt is the best! Fantastic story- thanks for sharing :)

RunnerGirl said...

"Plus he was opinionated and his opinions sucked."

LOVE it!!!

BOBBI McCORMICK said...

just posted a great giveaway on my site that I think you would love! http://nhershoes.blogspot.com/2009/03/mixmygranola-giveaway.html

Laurel said...

OK, I think your new rule should be to stop taking any guy named Matt to the grocery store. It really seems to stress them out.

Victoria said...

What a charmer. Thanks for pointing out that it could be much worse than being single at the moment-- I could be with some fool who flings stuff around when irked.

Nice tank top though!

sunshine said...

Nice... what a crazy, but makes for a good story. :)

LOVE the tank! :)

Jess said...

Great story!

Lily on the Road said...

Eyyyy, I feel sorry for the girl who married him, obviously she has no self esteem...

Susan said...

Oh my Lord! My jaw is on the floor! What an arse!!!!

Ali said...

OMG ... I think I've dated him too!

Laura Brandon said...

Oh my god he sounds EXACTLY like this guy CJ that I dated. I still get irritated just thinking about him.