My Gym: Deconstructed

Last night was my first night back to the gym. The 4 months that I trained for the marathon, I used running as an excuse to NOT go to the gym. As I do with running, I also have a love/hate relationship with the gym.

I LOVE lifting weights and doing cardio besides running and all the other "gym things." I actually worked at a gym for 5 years, which perhaps contributed to the HATE part. The thing that irritates me the most is that there are OTHER PEOPLE there too. If I could just have the gym all to myself, it would be perfect. Or even just some free weights, maybe a bike or Precor, oh and a sauna and jacuzzi.

Anyway, back to the OTHER PEOPLE. I was observing them last night and I have a feeling that most gyms have similar "annoyances." Let's walk though some of the basics and perhaps some of the more unique:

FRAT BOYS - These young fellows are commonly found in the free weight section, typically lifting dumbbells improperly and staring uncomfortably at your breasts while you do lat pull downs. Easily identified by their "Delta Delta Delta Beer Bong Bash 2006" T-Shirt.

STEROID GUY - Easily identified by his unnatural ginormous muscles, back acne that seeps through his too-small tank top and loud grunting noises/weights banging on the ground. Steer clear of him, don't ask to 'work in' and don't fill up your water bottle at the drinking fountain if he is waiting in line. He doesn't just look mean - he is mean and might snap at any minute(blame it on the juice).

SORORITY GIRLS - These gals usually linger in the cardio room. You will typically find them on the PRECOR machine on level 1 with their US Weekly magazine. Their short shorts tend to have "Juicy" or something similar sprawled across the butt and I've noticed a resurgence of knee high socks. They workout in pairs and TALK loudly to each other about Jacobs party last night and how Lisa is a total whore.

P.S.N. - Also known as Plastic Surgery Nightmare. These are very common in Newport Beach, but can be found in most big cities these days. Not really fond of the treadmill due to too much bouncing, they usually stick to the bikes or aerobics rooms. Even though they are at the gym for 1.5 hours, they leave with not a drip of sweat on them. The protruding cheek bones, swollen lips, fake blue contacts, dyed blond hair extensions, full make up, perfectly carved abs and extremely large 'pectorals' will cause all heads to turn. Some heads will turn in interest, some will turn in curiosity but all will be unsure whether she is pretty or pretty creepy.

NIGHT CLUB GUY- (Or Wanna-Be) These are also common in Newport Beach and are easily identified once you know what you're looking for. Generally a decent looking breed with muscles. Tattoos and spiky hair, probably an "Affliction" T-shirt. Dark circles under eyes from partying the night before, probably has a stuffy nose from the night before, too. They are very important and will want you to know how important they are by answering their 30 phones while on their 20 minute cardio session.

COUGARS - Cougars exist all over the world, however they seem to flourish in the OC area. They are not easily identified because you can not usually guess their age. These women are often in the gym because their bodies totally rock and you can tell ALOT of work has been put into getting those skinny triceps muscles to pop. You might find yourself not only jealous of her body, but also her couture wardrobe, her young model boyfriend and slick new Range Rover/Mercedes/Lexus. However, although her body is hot, she really should not wear that white mini skirt because, well she is 55 years old.

There are a few more, perhaps we can talk about later.
* 80's Rocker Chick
* Fat Personal Trainer Girl or Guy (my all time fav)
* Personal Trainer who smokes behind the building and thinks nobody can smell it Guy.
* Sweaty guy who doesn't use towel
* Forgot-To-Use Deodorant Guy
* Cell Phone Talking Person

This is all just in good fun. I am not generalizing people - I was simply describing SPECIFIC people that saw last night. Maybe my PMS made everyone seem more annoying than they really were, but probably not. They're just irritating.

Did I miss any???

Song of the Day: Shake That (feat. Nate Dogg) by Eminem