Friday, November 9, 2007

Correspondence With My Culo

My dearest Gluteus,

I’m writing you this letter today to reflect on our past and hopefully repair our connection. Apparently, I have been neglecting you lately. I didn’t realize your true value, and for that I am sorry.

Ever since I can remember you were there, right behind me. In college you became more prominent in my life. However, even then I did not take care of you. You were just there, growing, following me everywhere I went. Then about two years ago, I lost some weight. This must have annoyed you because you disappeared completely. Looking back, I can pinpoint that as the time our relationship went FLAT.

Your recent passive aggressive behavior is completely unacceptable. Because I ignored you, you took it upon yourself to involve my hips and knee in your little pain game. But now that I know you are the root of all my problems, I will deal with you directly.

Oh Gluteus Medias, being in the middle is not easy. Your meaty brother, Maximus is always taking the spotlight, while you and Minimus are rarely acknowledged. But from now on, it will be all about you. At least until we build up your confidence and you feel strong again.

So consider this my recommitment to you. Now that I know how important you are, I will make sure to include you in my work out and physical therapy ventures. Some of this may be painful, but it is for your own good. So please stop messing with my gait and jacking up my hips and knee. I will build you back up and in return you will help me run faster.

Deal?

Circle one and return to me after class:

Yes No


Songs of the day, dedicated to my booty:

Ms. New Booty by Bubba Sparxxx
Ms. Fat Booty by Mos Def
Booty Bounce by DJ Funk
Da Booty by A Tribe Called Quest

22 comments:

ThickChick said...

Hi POM,

Thanks for stopping by my blog!
You're adorable, witty, and that's that... I'm adding you to my list of reads.

Hope that minimus shapes up in no time. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't run. It is the only form of exercise I've ever stuck with.

Non-Runner Nancy said...

Oh geez, you kill me. And that picture is perfect.

P.O.M. said...

That pic was drawn of me at a party. Of course, I asked the artist VERY NICELY to make my waist small :)

He did make my booty pretty flat - which is accurate, I guess. But not for long!

Maddy said...

What a touching letter! And as it turns out, it wasn't your hip after all.

Honorable Mention to the song of the day: Baby Got Back by Sir Mix Alot.

The picture is great. If POM was a cartoon character, what would she look like? All doubts have been removed.

Fian said...

You're too funny! Good luck with the pain problem.

Karrie said...

Ha! Love your letter.

Crabby McSlacker said...

What an awesome idea--I definitely need to have a serious chat with my ass.

It hurts from sitting in front of my damn computer all day. But then in order for it to hear me I might have to get up off it! What a dilemma...

Sorry, ass.

Heather said...

Ms. New Booty is a workout fave of mine too... love hip-hop.

Laurie said...

You crack me up! I'm thinking I need to have a similar conversation with my ass.

Marcy said...

LMAO I also need a chat with my ass but mine comes in the form of "Could you please stop holding all these cellulite deposits? Thanks. Love and kisses - Me"

teacherwoman said...

That is too perfect! :)

Lisa - Slow & Steady said...

HA! Way to give your backside the low down. LOL.

Anne said...

Your posts are always such attention grabbers! I'm off to a bad start on my weight reduction, but that's what a travel, a wedding, copuious glasses of wine and a weeklong conference all in six days will do. I'm starting in earnest this Monday. For now it's 5:30 a.m. and I'm off to shower and head to work -- on a Saturday. Shudder.

Jess said...

I'm sure your booty will appreciate the new attention.

Kristen said...

your PT would love to read this poem! hysterical, jess.

Nicole said...

OMG. This is so funny. I agree with Kristen - being a PT this is defintely hilarious and something you should share with him/her.

Jenny said...

You are very creative! I am taking it that the PT said your glutes need some work. :) Hope you can get back to pain free running soon!

Viv said...

LMAO! Best letter ever..
Thinking my flat one needs a strongly wordered letter as well. The bike has helped a lot. Love your blog. Running in daily now.

Amy said...

We should add our asses together and divide by two...we'd both be in good shape.

RunningCrazyAfter3 said...

Mine needs a strongly worded letter, also, but it is more about the width of it :X

Betsy said...

Hee!

See Zanne Run said...

hysterical. and so timely. i've been comtemplating writing a post simply called "my ass hurts". please to explain how to do those hip hikes! i see the pictures, but i need some text to go with it.