Thursday, November 13, 2008

Hurting

Sorry for the non posting of late.
I'm having a rough time right now.

I knew this day would come but it doesn't make it any easier. If I could only be mad or angry I might be able to be stronger. But I'm not. I'm just sad and hurt and disappointed.

I've always held on to things way to long. I don't know how to let people go (unless they've blatantly hurt me or someone I love - then I can cut them off and never look back). But in relationships where nothing bad has happened and we care about each other, I hold on and on and on. Even when we want completely different things. I always think there is hope and we can make it work as long as we both try.

I know I have to let go.
I have to feel this pain.
I have to go through the motions to get over this.
I will not mask it with rebound dating or drinking or obsessing about my weight.

A good blogging friend once told me to rip the band aid off. (Hugs with pants HL!)
It will sting at first, but it will heal.

I hope I do.

64 comments:

Marcy said...

(((HUGS))) chicalicious. Hang in there.

the gazelle said...

many hugs. And although I think that rebound dating, drinking & obsessing about your weight are NOT good ways to handle this, I think that having a couple of martinis is probably a good prescription.

Actually, I'd probably rebound date, too, (and eat a lot of Mexican food) but I am not the poster child for healthy coping.

I am sorry.

Cara said...

I am sorry you are having a hard time! At least you have us bloggers to cheer you on through it all. :-) You have a great network of people who care about you to help lessen the sting ;-)

DoubleDigits said...

delurking to say that i'm sorry and hang in there. i think i hold on way too long to things myself. i'm keeping my fingers crossed that you heal sooner than you think.

*aron* said...

i'm sorry POM :( many BIG hugs are being sent your way.

M*J*C said...

POM- I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this. I can totally relate to hanging on to things for too long, but that is also a sign of our optimism, faith, loyalty,reluctance to "give up", and being f*cking stubborn (all things that can make us the best friends/partners in the world). I feel ya on "rip the band aid off", I wish I would have done that a long time ago. Hang in there.

Vanilla said...

Sorry, POM.

But, I gotta say that drinking might help. Drinking is only a temporary solution if you stop drinking. ;)

Be strong.

SLB said...

Hang tough, send you hugs down the coast!

Sarah said...

That really sucks. I feel sad for you! You sound strong though - I hope that you feel strong. And you're right - it won't hurt forever.

j. said...

I am sending a huge hug and sigh your way. It is the worst when we still care about them, it would be so much easier if we could hate them.

It will definitely heal. Of course a little wine never hurt the healing process...:-)

Kim said...

Thinking of you POM and wishing you well. And some speedy healing too. :)

Kim said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ali said...

Big virtual hugs!

Sometime you need to double check, so you can get rid of that 'what if' in your head.

Get back to yoga it will help.

X-Country2 said...

::hugs::
Hang in there. You seem to have a healthy outlook, so give it time and come back stronger.

Viv said...

Oh POM, hang in there, hun! I really do feel for you, not sympathy kinda of shit like empathy. I could so relate to being there before. You are truly a strong woman it shines through every post you write. I know within time you will be yourslef again without any masking. Masking helps for the time in between otay. HUGS from me..and I am a big girl chickie my hugs are like the best!!

Brooke said...

Oh POM!! I totally totally totally hear you. And you are better than me for knowing when to call it. I can't do it- I'm an eternal fixer. I envy your strength and you're right; it will get better over time. And I agree yoga will help!! Take care.

Xenia said...

Don't worry about us, take care of yourself.

eurydice said...

aw hang in there. time wounds all heals. :)

Heather said...

You know I'm hugging you with pants on! I'm sorry you're hurting. It is indeed very hard to let go. If you know it's the right thing, then hold tight to that.

Judi said...

you will heal honey. you will. rip that fucking bandaid off and throw it in the garbage can!

Kelly H. said...

You will heal, and it will take time. But you're strong. you can do this. Every relationship fails until one doesn't. (I stole that last line from Dan Savage, sorry). But it's true. Best wishes!

TinaGirl said...

My heart hurts for you but you know how you feel and that is more than most people in your position do. Most are oblivious or in denial(me)about it. I'll be thinking of you and I'll have a drink tonight for you, but no rebound dating for me, sorry. You'll have to live vicariously through my boring old married life.

Denise said...

Just know there is something bigger and better out there waiting for you. Be proud of yourself for knowing when it's time to call it quits. A lot of people aren't that strong.

Petraruns said...

Oh sweetie. Just know that you're not alone. We're sitting here virtually hugging you until you stop hurting. You're not alone. Believe you me - in any of this pain.

Amanda said...

we can't really make it better, but look how loved you are...that's pretty special. you're in my thoughts.

Haley said...

I'm sorry you're hurting right now -- I hope the healing is swift. Hugs!

carrie said...

Thinking of you.

one of my favorite mantras: Breathe in. Breathe out. Move on.

~hugs~

Jess said...

Band aids hurt less when torn off if the tearing is accompanied by copious amounts of wine!

Chin up. You'll get through it.

Michelle J said...

p.o.m you are so gorgeous you will be dating in no time!!! For real chica!!

Not to worry. Do your thang and have a good weekend. Don't think, just have fun!!

I sorry! You will be OK!!!

lilrunner N.D. said...

You can do it.. lots of hugs. You're a hot mama, so don't be sad. The right hot papa is out there for you. It is really hard :(

Crystal said...

It is really hard to rip that bandaid, but when you know it's time, you just have to take a deep breath and rip that baby off. You are a strong, beautiful woman and you will find the right guy. Until then, just keep being your fabulous self.

Glam said...

Well, frak! I was checking in to say hey, and what I do I find but a sad POM! I'm sorry the time came for you to part ways. I know how badly it must hurt, but am so proud of you for doing what's best for you. You've come a long way, baby!

Hang in there.
Hugs!

Laurel said...

Oh no girl...

Ugh, it's never easy to let it go. I think we have all done the "maybe one more try" thing more than once. It sucks and I'm sorry you're going through it now.

But you are seriously one tough chick! And hot as hell, smart, hard working and most importantly funny as sh*t. You are going to come out on top.

Hang in there.

PS...I'm watching 30 Rock and Jennifer Aniston is wearing a toe ring. LOL!

teacherwoman said...

I am sorry you are going through a tough time. *hugs*.

Sarah said...

Um, I should come down there and we could egg his house. So sorry :(

Tyger Lily said...

I've been there too my friend.
You did the right thing by ripping the band aid off!
Let it sting. That is the first feeling of healing!

Alisa said...

Thinking of you POM!

Marathon Maritza said...

I'm sorry *hugs*

Your words touched me. I am going through the same thing. You will heal, we both will. Stay strong, but remember it's ok to be sad too. Feel it, so you can let it go and move forward.

sara said...

sending you big hugs ... i don't have any wise words of advice (i'm pretty much the biggest idiot when it comes to relationships), but i'll be thinking of you and sending you feel-good vibes. do what you need to do to take care of you, be it run, do yoga, shop, have a drink or two, or whatever. and we'll all be here reading your blog and commenting and thinking of you from afar if you need to vent in any way.

Zombie Mom said...

sorry, you have to go through the pain... it sucks no matter how necessary...

and cut yourself slack if you do succumb to wine, weight and rebound dating habits... you are human... though I find excessive running a perfect panacea for emotional pain myself...

And you know, the whole one door closes another opens thing isn't so cheesy once a bunch of time passes...

carla said...

Im a bandaid ripper as well.

and it SUCKS, Girlfriend.

and then it heals.

hugs,

Carla

AddictedToEndorphins said...

Oh no. You'll get through it! And you know you will. I've been reading for awhile, and you're such a strong girl. Do what you need to do to heal. Cry. Run. Have a glass of wine and eat some chocolate with you're girls. Surround yourself with positive people. I find that sometimes when I get into these little ruts (And notice them because I'm terrified of ending up like the people I love) after awhile you just don't want to be like that, and then you pull yourself out of the rut however you have to. And then once you do, "Turn your wounds into Wisdom"- as Oprah says.

Hope things get better for you. Chin up. You're gonna be okay.

((HUGS))

Lucas said...

POM,
So sorry that you are hurting. I'm sure you will find a way to deal with it and emerge stronger on the other side. After years and years of resisting, I finally started therapy in earnest and I have to say it is doing me worlds of good. I'm really learning so much about myself and it's helping me to deal with some of the stressors in my life. If you have the means and are open to it, you might want to shop around to find a good therapist. You don't have to deal with this all by yourself. Big hugs to you!

the Bag Lady said...

Oh, POM....need a vacation? Come to Canada and freeze your ass off - that'll help you forget your troubles!!
Sorry to hear you are sad - sending you warm thoughts and hugs.
...NO, wait, give the warm thoughts back....it's cold here!! :)

healthy ashley said...

You will pull through this and be even better on the other side! I'll be thinking of you today...

Laura said...

Don't know what to say except I'm sorry too :( I'm the same way with always trying to stay friends because don't want to let go, but it definitely makes it much harder for me.

Sagan said...

Big hugs- you are strong.

Danielle said...

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear this. I can relate. I know it's cliche, but time heals all wounds. Six months ago, I was in the darkest place I've ever been. I'm happy to tell you that today is a different story! I know you've heard it before, but I'm convinced that everything happens for a reason. You may not see it now, but some day, it will all make sense! God Bless that Broken Road!

Leenie said...

POM, I'm sorry, but remember, all things happen for a reason, even when you may not know it. This will be better for both of you in the long run. You will be stronger because of this. Just run and get it out of your system.

**HUGS**

Carolina John said...

big *hugs* from the carolinas. The emotional pains end up making us stronger people. You will emerge on the other side a stronger more confident woman with a clearer picture of what you want. "Deal or no deal" for men is a rough game, but when you open your briefcase at the end you will find that true love was in there all along. Just eliminate all of the other briefcases and you will find it.

I should mention that i hate deal or no deal. it's one of the worst concepts for a tv show anyone has ever thought of. ever.

Madison said...

For all the things that you feel you are or are not; you are still one heck of a runner!

Danica said...

Hey Girl, Thinking of you for sure :) Hope you soon are feeling better. If you ever need anything, let me know, because seriously, I know the pain too.

Victoria said...

Sometimes sitting with what just IS is the most difficult and painful part. Hang in there.

Danielle said...

I forgot to tell you that I signed up for the surf city half, so we should meet up for a drink beforehand! I know I made my blog private (because of my shitty ex) but my email address is dlspinola at yahoo. E-mail me if you want to hook up! :)

adventure grrl said...

Rip it off girl! I've held on and on til the break of dawn! I always say "hurt now or hurt later." You don't want to be getting over someone in 5 or ten years because you just held on. Rooting for you!

Marci said...

Sorry that you are hurting, but surround yourself with people who love you, and you will better in the long run. Take care!

J~Mom said...

Just got caught up over here. You are strong and I know that you can do this!!!

Burger said...

Hey girl, I'm sorry to hear about that - that sucks. For now, take all the time you need to feel sad and get it out of your system. But life's too short to wallow in misery and self-doubt. I'll echo what Sara said about eventually channeling your grief into something positive (like running).

This too shall pass, remember that.

chia said...

Just let me take care of the rebound dating and drinking part ;-). I seem to be getting pretty good at it. It's like "taking one for the team"

I'm sorry things went sour. Sweeter things are guaranteed to be ahead. ((HUGS))

Missicat said...

Yes, it sucks. But the sting will fade...*hugs*

Fian said...

((HUGS)) I'm so sorry you have to go through this. But you're a strong and vibrant person, and you'll be OK in the long run ... even if it doesn't seem like it. Take some time for yourself, and run it out. There's something better waiting for you to discover it. :)

sunshine said...

Sending lots of hugs your way. :)

Jennifer Burgett said...

Thinking about you!

Mrs Furious said...

I think (cause you know you want to know what I think... right?!) that when relationships aren't bad enough to be bad or good enough to be great that those are the very hardest to walk away from. It's like when you are eating something that just isn't great but you keep eating trying to decide if you like it or not? (you know what I mean) Well that's simplified a bit but the point is it's normal to go back for more while you try to pin point exactly what isn't working.

You will find somebody that is more than good enough.