Friday, November 21, 2008

Indiscriminate Invitation

I was all geared up for a night of the total "Newport Scene" when I got the invitation for the grand opening of CODE. There was a lot of chitter chatter about how this will be the new "it" place. Needless to say, I had high expectations of big boobs, hair extensions, eyelash extensions, inflated lips and Louis Vuitton.

We (Spicy Latina came with) arrived on time (which we thought was early) and there was already a line around the building. But it seemed to be moving quickly, so we waited. Glancing around this wasn't the typical Newport scene AT ALL. My first clue was the 65 year old man behind me in a Member's Only jacket trying to chat us up about hot spots "back in the day." But with the promise of free booze and appetizers (I LOVE appetizers) we pressed on.

Apparently, the restaurant sent out an email blast to everyone under the sun. They had a "buffet" of appetizers set in the middle. Now it really hit us: Free food = senior citizens. I felt like we were on a cruise ship. I swear we saw this little old man go back for shrimp cocktail 3 times!!!

Most of the women (I'm talkin' 45+) were all dressed like they were 20. Picture this, if you dare: White mini skirts with boots, jean shorts with fish nets (yes you read that right) and bra less sparkly tank top situations that my brain is still trying to recover from seeing.

Now for the men. What is it with the trend of older men dressing "young?" By "young" I mean shiny, tight shirts, Ed Hardy Shirts, spiky highlighted hair and faux hawks. Now show me an older, sexy grey haired man in a nice tailored suit and I'm all over that like white on rice (I LOVE older men). But if he's trying to dress like he's 20, it just creeps me out.

Anywhoo, we bellied up to the bar and found out there were only 3 cocktails offered. A mojito (love, but too many calories), champagne and a vodka concoction. I went for the vodka, left the bartender a hefty tip and sauntered on. The scene got worse and worse. Honestly, there was not one person that I would make out with. Considering I'm on the rebound right now, my standards are not that high. So that's pretty sad.

We attempted to get a 2nd drink, but after waiting about 20 minutes I thought Spicy Latina was going to bust a cap in some one's ass. So we opted out. We went to the bar next door (pool, dive scene) got a big fat dirty martini and called it a night.

Now I remember why I don't like going out.

Song of the day: All I Ever Wanted by Basshunter

29 comments:

the gazelle said...

I've so been there. And so left there. And it is sad when there is no one make-out-worthy! Even if one isn't on the rebound (I still look for make-out-worthy guys, and I'm married).

I would like a martini right now.

*aron* said...

WOW that sounds like quite a night :) should have brought your camera!

i am allllll about the apps too - YUM

Sarah said...

older, sexy grey haired man in a nice tailored suit

HELLO. *drool*

Kevin said...

Ewww! I'm 40 and I hope in 20 years, I'm NOT ONE OF THOSE GUYS.

chia said...

Nice selective marketing tactics. Oye. You stuck it out way longer than I... I would have walked at the sight of a line.

joyRuN said...

OUCH. Makes my eyes hurt just thinking about it.

Ahh - the siren song of free apps & booze!

Viv said...

The descriptives were so good that I was over here gaggin with a spoon(i was eating my jello so seriously).

Sorry the place turned out to be a bust. I hope the weekend has better hopes. Have a great weekend!

Amanda said...

You are never short on adventure!

Judi said...

people are stupid, and that scene would make me wanna puke.

jean shorts and fish nets? that's only cool if you are in your early 20's, the fish nets are ripped up, and you have on converse with a ramones tshirt. :)

M*J*C said...

I was so hopeful for you! Unfortunately, that is how my nights out tend to go these days....my luck has to change!

Jess said...

Gives new meaning to "early bird" huh?

Sarah said...

I totally laughed out loud - now I'll probably get fired for screwing around and not working. But GREAT story. Makes you wonder how it's going to work out, doesn't it? ha ha.

carrie said...

I used to wear fishnets, but I was in the circus....not out trying to be all hot in a free appetizer line! Wowzer.

Julianne said...

"Needless to say, I had high expectations of big boobs, hair extensions, eyelash extensions, inflated lips and Louis Vuitton."

I'm still sporting my eyelash extentions!!

Sorry to hear that your night out didn't quite turn out as you expected!

Denise said...

Dive bar sounds like much more fun!

Michelle J said...

HAHA!!!

bra less sparkly tank top situations that my brain is still trying to recover from seeing.

That right there cracked me up!!! I have not been out drinking in ages, i guess this is why!!! Perhaps, someday i will though!! To a hip, trendy, cool place!!!

I'm just saying!!

Have a great weekend chica!!!

Reluctant Runner said...

Dang, POM, I'm just catching up on your latest posts and I'm sorry to hear you've been going through a rough patch. Nice to hear you haven't lost your sense of humour, though!

Your fun, positivity, adventurousness and good sense always shine through on your blog (and no doubt in your life). Anyone who can't appreciate that probably isn't worthy of you. Take care.

Laurel said...

Mmmmm...dirty martini! I am so going make myself one of those after Sunday. Thanks for the great idea!

I love how you "sauntered on". LOL!

I love older men too. Well, not too old, but I have a thing for grey hair on a guy in like his 30's-40's. So hot.

So, were there women wearing toe rings by any chance? LOL!

Victoria said...

Oh what a fabulous night. And by fabulous I mean wretched.

the Bag Lady said...

Dang, this old broad missed out on free apps!?
Your descriptions totally cracked me up, and I'm old!! (Of course, I ran to my closet and burned my fishnets and miniskirts.........) :)

Ovens2Betsy said...

You mean now that I've turned 45 you're suggesting I put away my fuschia spangled tube top? Bummer! It goes so well with my acid-washed pencil jeans with the ripped holes in the knees.

Lily on the Road said...

Holy "F"ing Gawd...what are these people thinking???

But honestly, does this mean I need to get rid of my jean mini skirt....just asking! LMAO!!!

J~Mom said...

Sounds like a funny but pathetic scene!!

Steve Stenzel said...

What a night!!

Yeah, THOSE older men scare me too....

j. said...

Hilarious! Love it! And totally empathize with it...

Sagan said...

Aw, that's frustrating when things don't end up being what you expected at all! (Especially if there's free appetizers and booze involved!).

Hope the next bar was better in terms of eye candy aka attractive men? Hehe.

Chic Runner said...

I know it all too well... :) loved the recap!

JIMSIGHT said...

ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah.......would love to comment but I think I have to go pee...LOL

Amanda said...

This post is hysterical, thanks for the laugh!