The Lurking Landlord

When I was apartment hunting, I spotted my current place and called the number to make an appointment. I went to check it out & meet the landlord after a tennis match (visual: hot little tennis outfit). I think that is the reason I got the place - honestly. I'm fine with that EXCEPT that my creepy landlord thought this gave him the window to BRING UP PLAYING TENNIS with me EVERY flippin' time I see him. (NO MO FO, I am NEVER going to play tennis with you so SHUT IT.)

Let me paint you a picture of him. He is creepy, he is at least 25 years my senior and he is creepy. Did I mention that he is creepy? At one point he was living in the main house (I live in a back house) and he would STOP BY a couple times a week. Why? There is NO need for him to STOP BY, especially after 9pm - which is the typical time that he does. The STOP BYs luckily ceased when he moved.

Well he's back. And I can't seem to shake him. I am extremely rude and uninviting when he STOPS BY. I freakin' hate it. 99% of the time I am in my jammies watching a movie or reading and it's my down time. I go to bed very early and don't want him stopping by. Ever.

Recently, my toilet decided to take up running. And even more recently, my walls decided to take up Bikram. There is water dripping out of my drywall. Yep, so I had to call the lurker. This gave him license for even more stop bys. Seriously, he stopped by 3 times to look at the problem. He has yet to fix it. I have towels soaking up the water from the walls and have to turn off the water at my toilet after every use. I feel like I live in the ghetto.

Here's a sample of the conversation we had last night at 9:30 pm.
Lurker: We really need to get you up to my Big Bear cabin.
Me: (silent with weird look on face)
Lurker: You can run up there. That will get you in shape.

ARGH. WTF?
#1. Who is this "we?" you speak of?
#2. I am in shape so shut the F up.
#3. There is no way in hell I would go anywhere with you, let alone a deserted cabin.

I wish I could move, but my rent is affordable (now I know why) and I live in a kick ass area.