Running on Anxiety

Self-Sabotaging or Anxiety?

You tell me.

Remember when I used to wake up before work and run? Well I did.

I have been trying my best to get back into that cycle (although with my travel schedule it's been a challenge). But when I'm home, I PLAN on waking up early to run. Here is the routine:

• I drink lots of water, eat healthy dinner and go bed early
• I lay in bed and think of stupid things
• I start to worry that I won't fall asleep
• I don't fall asleep so I start to worry more about not getting enough rest
• Then I worry that I'm worrying and causing this whole thing (I must be crazy)
• My heart starts beating fast and I don't fall asleep
• I stare at the clock until 2am
• I drift off and have a nightmare
• Nightmare wakes me up at 3:30 am
• I lean over and turn off my alarm because there is no way of waking up to run in 2 hrs

This is not a rare occurrence. Neither is the nightmare thing, but that's a blog for another day.

Hence the reason I'm only running on the weekends. I don't stress about what time I fall asleep and I don't stress about when I need to wake up.

I really don't know what to do about it.

If The Dress Zips, Wear It

I did it!!!

I dieted

and sweated

and starved

and ran

my way into the dress.

The proof my friends>>>>>>>

Yes, it was snug especially in certain areas, but it fit. You can see actually that the straps are loose. I would have had to get it altered if I got the size up.

So anywhooooo, please don't do what I did.

Let this be a lesson to you all.

Bridesmaid-zilla

Nine days until the wedding (not MINE people!) and I'm turning into a crazed bridesmaid-zilla.

Here's what I'm obsessing about:

• Teeth bleachorexia - check
• Fake tan - check (hey the wedding is in Laguna and I just need tan legs, so shut it)
• Staying skinny - NOT check

I tried on the dress again last night and it is NOT good (Dr Dev don't read this). I look like a sausage that is busting out of its casing. The dress can zip, but there is some serious tightness especially in the tummy/boobage areas. (Boys don't read this) Let's just hope it's PMS and everything will settle down in 9 days.

When we got the dresses - MONTHS ago, I tried on the 4 and 6. And frankly the 4 fit better. I would have had to alter the straps in the 6. Who buys a dress and thinks "well maybe I'll put on 10 lbs so I better get the bigger size" - I know I sure didn't think that. But maybe I should have.

So this morning I woke up at 5:30am and went for a run. I forgot how dark it is with the time change. It's fine on the street, but half my run is on a path with no lights. It was touch a go there for a while. Seriously. I couldn't even see the ground at some points. I'm just grateful I didn't step in any doggie or horsey landmines. Oh yeah, and I'm grateful I didn't get run over by bike.

My 2nd plan of attack is to get as many Bikram classes in as humanly possible. Although I am traveling Mon-Thur so that isn't really an option. There is one day I will be able to run. Actually maybe 2. I have to make it happen.

The size 4 dilemma continues. I'm sure you are all thrilled.

(And by the way, I would be completely content with a 6, I just didn't buy the 6 so now I have to deal.)

So Far From Where I've Been

First off, I'm crackin up ovah here that I slipped in a comment about the Captain and everyone focused on the bed bugs. HAAAAAAAAAAA I guess I was smart that way.

Ok, on to running. I've mentioned before that I have become a weekend warrior with the running. I try to get about 6 or so 7 miles in on the weekend. So this Saturday, this lovely windy, brisk Saturday, I decided to bust out the ol' Garmin and go for 10 miles.

I know there is a race in my future - another marathon. Probably not until Fall... more details later. So with that in the back of my mind, I want to get my mileage back up and comfortable. My 10 was not so comfortable. Actually, I can only say that I ran 9. I walked the last mile home. But I was happy that nothing ached or hurt or anything like that - I was just plain ol' outta shape. My average time was 9:54 min/mile. That's 1:26 min/mile SLOWER than my 2008 marathon pace. hellllllllo?????????? How quickly one can LOSE IT!

But at least I know where I'm starting from.

Now I just need to get my butt on the scale to confirm the other damage I've done.
Stay tuned for that exciting post.

Catching Up: The Final Installment

Here are a few of the smaller things that have happened during my hiatus:

1. I bought a new car!!! Buh-bye 1996 Jetta. Hello Acura TSX. I feel so grown up.

2. I got bed bugs at the Sheraton in NYC. Seriously... I woke up with bites all over my legs. And I don't do well with bites, so they got huge, red and crusty. I couldn't show my legs for months. So hot. I wrote a nasty letter, they did and "investigation of the infestation" and let's just say I'm Platinum with SPG and then some.

3. I ended it with the Loadmaster. I sorta kinda started seeing a certian gentlemen of a nautical nature again. So yeah, long story. Same, old, long, stupid story.

So, there you have it. So much has changed, yet so much as stayed the same. Ok, really nothing has changed.

Weekend plans: 8 miler, Bikram and grocery shopping. This home girl is worse off than mother-freakin-hubbard.

Geeking Out

Hi all

Quick update - traveling mucho. That's about it. Although I actually managed to hit the treadmill for once. So a little pat on the back for that.

Any of you guys like to geek out once in a while? I know I do. One of my good friends, Dr. Mo started a science blog. Check it out if you want to geek out with her. She's pretty cool and damn smart. And she is forcing me into a size 4 dress in 2 weeks. (Kidding Doc)

Peace out.

I Get By With a Little Help From My Shirt

What a tease I've been. I said I would start blogging again, then I leave you hanging. My friends, I think it will be like this for a while. You see, I am actually really really busy.

Tuesday I flew to Miami, Thursday I flew to Oklahoma City, then back home Friday. Today I have a family party and Monday I fly to Houston.

But here is my tidbit of motivation for the weekend:

Something told me to put on my Portland marathon shirt for my run this morning. This is highly unusual because I abhor running in t-shirt style shirts even if they are "tech" whatever. Seriously, that shirt is from 2008 and this is the 2nd time I've worn it. And last time, it was just to bed.

But I put it on and hit the road. About .5 miles in, it started to sprinkle. I thought to myself "hey, if I can run 26.2 miles in the rain then I can do a my measly weekend run with some sprinkles." About a mile in it started pouring, but I kept running. I have to say that I almost starting thinking I was crazy but at mile 3 it stopped and it was so fresh and clear and wonderful that I was glad I didn't turn around.

Thank you Portland Marathon T-shirt.
7 miles done :)

Let's Talk About Running

Remember long ago when this was a running blog?

I figured the 2nd installation of "where have you been for the last 6 months" should be about running.

When we left off back in August I was training for my 3rd marathon. Remember, the one in Wisconsin? I use the word "training" lightly. I was half-assed training.

I was running about 3 days a week, with longer runs on the weekend. I only ran two 20-milers. They both kinda sucked. Needless to say, I wasn't planning on winning any awards in Wisconsin (not 'real' awards, but I mean 'yeah-me' awards).

My new job had me traveling like crazy before the marathon. The week before I was in Danbury, Tampa Bay, then Myrtle Beach. Then I flew directly to Madison, then to Chicago the day after. CaH-R-A-Zeeeee

Honestly though, the marathon wasn't actually that bad. I finished in 3:57. Not as good as Portland, but still under 4 hours. So I'll take it. There was definitely more blood, sweat and tears and ohhhhhhhhhh chub rub and lost toe nails.

Needless to say, after the marathon I fell off the running wagon. I was just sick of running. I can't even remember what I was doing, but based on my current weight I must have spent the past 6 months eating and drinking. I've never shied away from telling you guys my weight, so here it is. I'm back up to 142. (My happy weight is 132) All my work pants are in closet-lock-down since I can't button them. I'm wearing my "fat jeans" again. I even purchased new jeans that are 2 sizes bigger than my usual.

BUT as of last weekend - the running girl is back. I'm hoping the blog will keep motivated (and you too?) Last Saturday I went down to the beach and had the best 8 mile run I've had in a really long time. Then I went to Bikram. Sunday I went to Bikram again. Monday, I ran 4 miles and went to Bikram. I ran 4 miles this morning and think I can get back on the morning bandwagon.

Those fat jeans will be outta here soon!

Overwhelmed

I was laying in bed last night thinking how to attack the come back. I am going to have to piecemeal it I think.

The best place to start is to explain why I quit writing.

But I have to go back a little first. Back in August, I didn't really go into details about my job situation. Most of you knew I was a meeting planner and that I had a few trips (Canada and Maui) then BAM - no job. I knew it was coming. We had no business to speak of. Everyone had been laid off but me. So the day I returned from Maui, I was told that I had 2 weeks left and to start cleaning out the office. I immediately started looking for a new job(to be honest I was looking a little before). You read my horrible first interview. Apparently so did all the Asian Spam world.

So on my last day, I find out that my former company was also filing bankruptcy and low and behold, they were not going to be able to pay me for my last two events. Nice, huh? After 10+ years of working for them. I was pretty hurt by this, but mostly angry. But I don't want to speak any more of this.

But I freaked out.
I had a mortgage. I needed a plan and fast.

Luckily, it pays to have friends in high places. My girlfriend called me on my first day of being unemployed and said "I have a job interview for you. And I know they will hire you." I had an interview the next day and was offered the job by the end of the week.
Schwing!

BUT (there is always a big butt) I was worried my new job would find out about my blog. I didn't know their policy on the whole thing. I wasn't very good about being anonymous considering my pictures are all over the blog. AND I have a serious problem with putting my entire dating life drama on the freakin' Internet. To make matters more confusing my new job is involved in political and legal arenas. So there's that.

In my typical way of dealing with this, I didn't deal with it. I just climbed under my favorite rock, oh so comfy it is.

There it is. Stay tuned for more....

Baby Come Back

You can blame it all on me.
I was wrong
And I just can't live without you.

So what do you think, will you take me back?
If so, I will have to recap the past 6 months for you.

That will take a long time, so I need to know you're going to read it.
Pleeeeeeeeease stroke my ego with a comment and I will pay you back with a novel.