Coming Clean

There are 2 things I am coming clean with today. I'm sure you'll be WAY more interested one over the other, so that one is going 2nd. MUAH!

Besides that small portion of time I had to get my ass into a size 4 bridesmaid dress, I have been on a serious backslide in regards to health & fitness. I mean serious.

I hadn't weighed myself in quite a long time. I put the scale in the guest bathroom so I wouldn't have to see it regularly. Well, last weekend I went to put on my comfortable (read: fat) jeans. They are worn in and oh so lovely. They were just out of the dryer and therefore a little snug. I did the deep knee bends that we all do to try and loosen them a bit. Well, you can image my shock when I hear "RRRRRRRRRRRRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP." There it was, clear as day, hole right across the booty and a sign that SOMETHING needs to change. (And these were not cheap jeans people!)

That's when I got reacquainted with the scale, aka ANITA. And she is pissed. That bitch told me I weighed 146. In the MORNING. (My happy/healthy weight is 134.) Obv I didn't need Anita to tell me I was out of control. I hardly workout except weekends and I have been drinking like a fish out of water (that didn't make sense but whateves). I can barely fit into ANY of my work clothes and have been wearing wrap dresses every chance I get. (Lord, I love wrap dresses!)

So there. It stops now because I have a new goal in sight. I'll tell you about it later. But I did Bikram last night and ran this morning. Cutting out the booze and cheap women. I will frequently post again - I promise. And I will update the weight sitch - maybe like a Monday Weigh In type of thing.

Part 2 - what all my loyal readers have been dying to hear about.
THE CAPTAIN

I'm coming clean - don't judge.
I got back with the captain last year. I didn't want to tell you all because I know that the decision was not a smart one. BUT sometimes the heart ain't smart. Well things were good (not great) for a while. There are so many issues that I won't go into here, but I was definitely kidding myself. I was making excuses for him, for me, for our relationship. It was fake. It was a front. It was not good. I faked happy, but I wasn't. And I knew it was going nowhere. Three years of my life now.

Well it all came to head again (yes, this is like the 5th time) about a month ago. But this time it's different and I will tell you why. Because I was the one feeling like it was over. I was the one who was finally sick of where we were and where we were NOT going. We didn't talk for a couple weeks (he is the type that needs space to gather his thoughts - there I go making excuses again). A couple weeks ago we finally had THE TALK. This time it was the CLOSURE talk. And the crazy thing is that I feel fine. I'm good with it. I will admit that was so busy traveling like crazy that I didn't have much time to really focus on the implications of it all. And I did have ONE little wah-wah-whoa-is-me-cry-baby breakdown. But just one. And I'm fine again.

And I'm movin' on up.
And getting my ass back in shape.
Starting weight: 146
Goal: 134