Have you ever had a decision to make and you weren't really sure what direction to take?
This works best for dating, but it really could be applied to other areas of ones life.
Well something the Spicy Latina said to me really rang true.
Say it out loud to a friend!
It might make the decision a lot more clear.
For example I met this guy I am considering going out with.
- He is kinda short.
- He said he never wants to get married again.
- He doesn't believe in God.
Yeah, but here I am still considering going out with him.
I can get over the height thing, but the other 2? Uhm... DUH!
So, what do you have to SAY OUT LOUD????
Pretty sure it makes me shallow and going to hell that my first thought was, "hmmm, I CAN'T get over the height thing." :o)
I vote you go for it. Keep it casual and easy to escape. Just lunch or coffee or something. Oh, and be ready to blog all about it!
So, my first instinct was "ditch that soulless loser!"
Upon further though, I decided the following:
1) Although important, one can get over height qualifications. Sometimes. It's not a deal breaker. I like 'em tall too...but I've dated short guys, and it's worked out fine.
2) Just because Mr. Shorty Pants says that he doesn't want to get married again doesn't necessarily really mean that he doesn't want to get married again. Granted, we cannot get involved with someone under the guise that we are planning to change their basic fundamentals...but sometimes a man scorned will shoot off at the mouth about not marrying again...only to meet the woman of their dreams 3 months later and elope. Not a deal breaker.
3) Not believing in God is the most difficult for me...however...does this mean that he doesn't have a spiritual bone in his body, or he just chooses not to believe in the standard "God" that the rest of us know? Not a deal breaker...maybe needs more qualification.
So, I say give it a shot. Have coffee. Do something easy and non-committal. Maybe get a little more info before writing Mr. Shorty Pants off altogether.
That's a good idea, saying something out loud..
yea, the God issue is a killer for me. and if he says he doesn't want to get married again, he might really mean it. i can promise you this is the only time i'm going to be married, once is enough.
i just can't stop myself. i have no self control. honestly, pom, what am i going to do? okay, okay...i'll say it out loud:
"should i take my hand out of this huge box of granola and stop eating?"
Maybe he can be a little experiment? Maybe you can make him want to get married again, make him believe in God..then dump him! hahaha (jk..that sounds wayyy too mean). Give him one date..
I always, rewind- I try to think when dating someone, is this someone I would be proud to describe to friends and family?
Imagine yourself in conversation and someone says, "So tell me about the guy your dating..."
You want to gush all these wonderful things about him, not make excuses for him.
The short issues is a HUGE deal breaker for me (and I'm just average height) I don't think I could get over it LOL. T
Don't let him waste your time chica!
Heck, a nice dinner out might be fun.
You don't have to see him again. You do, however, need to "get out there."
Consider it a practise run.
I also employ this approach. If you are embarassed to tell a good friend, maybe this isn't a direction you want to go...
I also think to myself - ok, if I had a daughter or niece & she was telling me about this guy/this relationship - would I encourage her to keep seeing him?
I really don't know you, I jus tread your blog... but I say - he isn't good enough for you. Don't waste your time.
I agree with Charmaine... if I had let height issues make or break things, I'd still be a single woman. That said, you going out with him can lead to at least one of these three clusters of outcomes:
1) dating relationship
2) new friend
3) free meal
Now, see, the height thing doesn't bother me as much as it used to... but the never wanting to get married thing is a HUGE turn-on for me.
I have this same thing happen all the time. I'll be thinking something and then tell my friend and she'll be like wow, you're just not smart sometimes.
Do the opposite of you. Are you always too picky? Don't pick this guy. Are you not picky enough? Ditch him...
Try and break a pattern in your own life by doing something unexpected - surprise yourself!
1 - no big deal (pun intended) :)
2 - no big deal - unless you're specificaly looking
3 - big deal - if he doesn't believe in God - why even bother?
err height is an issue for me, fine I said it.
ok seriously you deserve the world and this guy doesn't sound like the world, he sounds like a nice guy, end of sentence.
Totally true...the say it out loud thing.
I must put down the ice cream at night AND if I do eat it, be honest and write it in my journal. Only person it's hurting is myself! =)
His name isn't Matt, is it?
All three are deal breakers to me. Don't waste your time, girl. Keep it moving.
You know what's important to you and the "deal-breakers" for a relationship so I'm sure when the time is right, you'd make the best decision for you on a relationship with this guy. Since it's the beginning of the road, it never hurts to go out and feel him out to see what he's all about. Things may change or maybe he will just become a good friend.
MY OUT LOUD goes like this:
I WANT TO RUN!!! NOW!!!
But i can't. Not until my toe heals!!
Perhaps give him a chance!!! People change. Well not the height but i'm just sayin!!
well you never know... sometimes the ones you least expect to work are the ones that do??
I am like that too... things go through my brain and I just have to talk them out to someone... I already usually know the answer but I just have to talk it out first.
good luck deciding :)
I'd give it a shot. Worse case scenario: you get a free meal and a good story to blog about.
Sheesh. If you want to get married and he doesn't, the other two really aren't important, are they? I mean, who wants to start ANYTHING trying to change the other person in some way? Unless you know you don't want to marry him and you don't care if you *could* be on the marriage track with someone you're dating and you want to just have a good experience... But it's all up to you and what YOU want.
My 'Say it out LOUD':
1. He's a drummer
2. He's an atheist
3. He's 10 years older than me
As for your Say it out Loud -- the God thing would be a hard thing for me to get over. In fact, it's something I'm dealing with right now too. Well, maybe not to the extent you are...
I say find out how strongly he feels about the last two (nothing he can do about the first one! Lol) and if he's firm in his stance it's time to scream out loud: NEXT!
in my infinite experience... people who say they never want to get married again... ALWAYS get married again.
Wow. Coulda used this about 10 years ago. You are so wise. :D
LOL! I just heart ya! I had a Dr.s appt this am and I did not want to start a book or anything that required thinking. I printed out you last 7 posts and it was awesome! I was laughing so hare at the M3 story.
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