Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Coming Clean

There are 2 things I am coming clean with today. I'm sure you'll be WAY more interested one over the other, so that one is going 2nd. MUAH!

Besides that small portion of time I had to get my ass into a size 4 bridesmaid dress, I have been on a serious backslide in regards to health & fitness. I mean serious.

I hadn't weighed myself in quite a long time. I put the scale in the guest bathroom so I wouldn't have to see it regularly. Well, last weekend I went to put on my comfortable (read: fat) jeans. They are worn in and oh so lovely. They were just out of the dryer and therefore a little snug. I did the deep knee bends that we all do to try and loosen them a bit. Well, you can image my shock when I hear "RRRRRRRRRRRRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP." There it was, clear as day, hole right across the booty and a sign that SOMETHING needs to change. (And these were not cheap jeans people!)

That's when I got reacquainted with the scale, aka ANITA. And she is pissed. That bitch told me I weighed 146. In the MORNING. (My happy/healthy weight is 134.) Obv I didn't need Anita to tell me I was out of control. I hardly workout except weekends and I have been drinking like a fish out of water (that didn't make sense but whateves). I can barely fit into ANY of my work clothes and have been wearing wrap dresses every chance I get. (Lord, I love wrap dresses!)

So there. It stops now because I have a new goal in sight. I'll tell you about it later. But I did Bikram last night and ran this morning. Cutting out the booze and cheap women. I will frequently post again - I promise. And I will update the weight sitch - maybe like a Monday Weigh In type of thing.

Part 2 - what all my loyal readers have been dying to hear about.

I'm coming clean - don't judge.
I got back with the captain last year. I didn't want to tell you all because I know that the decision was not a smart one. BUT sometimes the heart ain't smart. Well things were good (not great) for a while. There are so many issues that I won't go into here, but I was definitely kidding myself. I was making excuses for him, for me, for our relationship. It was fake. It was a front. It was not good. I faked happy, but I wasn't. And I knew it was going nowhere. Three years of my life now.

Well it all came to head again (yes, this is like the 5th time) about a month ago. But this time it's different and I will tell you why. Because I was the one feeling like it was over. I was the one who was finally sick of where we were and where we were NOT going. We didn't talk for a couple weeks (he is the type that needs space to gather his thoughts - there I go making excuses again). A couple weeks ago we finally had THE TALK. This time it was the CLOSURE talk. And the crazy thing is that I feel fine. I'm good with it. I will admit that was so busy traveling like crazy that I didn't have much time to really focus on the implications of it all. And I did have ONE little wah-wah-whoa-is-me-cry-baby breakdown. But just one. And I'm fine again.

And I'm movin' on up.
And getting my ass back in shape.
Starting weight: 146
Goal: 134


Amy - the gazelle said...

Lady! It is good to see you blogging again. I hear you on the healthy living train - I've been doing the exercise thing & letting the other half of the equation go to shit. (i.e. booze & cheap women.)

As for the other, I'm glad you're feeling good about the closure - I know that can be difficult. Much love & hugs - and if you ever need a self-indulgent weekend in PDX - you know you have friends here! :)

carrie said...

Welcome back, Baby! :)

Aron said...

welcome back :) we miss you!!!! you will get your goal in no time, you know what to do. re: captian, sometimes we just have to figure it all out for OURSELVES in order for it to be final... sounds like you are there.

Bert said...

We'll be along for the ride back down to your 'happy weight'... Many of us are in the same boat with that!

Lauren @ Sassy Molassy said...

Glad you're back, POM! I know you can do it. You're a goal oriented person and you will get back to that ideal weight. Good work on the bikram and run!

Lisa from Lisa's Yarns said...

Welcome back, POM. Happy to have you back on the interwebs. I also am not at a happy weight, but have made strides this month in gett back to my happy weight (which is 135). I am about 145 right now. I think. I am a bit afraid to step on the scale right now!

Saturday night was defnitely my 'whoa-is-me-when-is-it-going-to-happen-for-me' sobfest. Luckikly I was alone. Because I looked like something the cat dragged in at the end of said sobfest. And alot of the reason I was crying was because I had sort of convinced myself that the ex-bf that is single had changed & that there might be a spark b/w us again. wrongo batman. But now that I have seen him what for he really is, and realized how NOT compatible we are, I feel totally ok w/ it and I am so over the re-crush I had on him.

Don't beat yourself up about getting back w/ the Captain. YOu probably need one more go round w/ him to really, truly realize why you shouldn't be together.

Onwards and upwards, my friend.

Chocolate & Chants said...

Welcome back! Girl, I gained a lot of weight as well, so not happy about it, but hey, it's life and sometimes one overindulges.

Anonymous said...

Aw. I feel like I found a new friend. We have the same "happy weight" and my scale is mad at me right now too (damn holidays!). Let's kick some ass! And by that, I mean our own! ;)

P.O.M. said...

Thanks everyone. Wow, now I remember why I love blogging - the community!

I swear I still lay in bed and think of posts to post, but haven't had time.

Julia said...

yeah i am doing the back together with a mess of a man and who broke my heart into millions and billiosn of pieces over and over and over...for 2 years. and i havent told a soul that knows me or him, because no one would talk to me again.

fantastic huh?

which is also why i am using my 'fake' google login name...

good luck on the weight loss!!!

audgepodge said...

I've been a bad blogger, too. Mostly b/c I haven't been running.

BUT... I always enjoy your posts and your humor. Good luck with everything and look forward to your updates :)

TonyP said...

Welcome back, and go get that goal!

Tammy said...

Aw, welcome back.

I'm with ya on the weight, only I've gained a LOT more than 12 lbs.

I've been there, done that with the back-and-forth with men. I never seem to learn.

Delane said...

welcome back.

Been there done, that. Hell, I gained 70 lbs in 7 years before I had and O'SHIT moment.

ignorance is bliss sometimes.

Ali said...

You know if you don't want to tell people about a relationship it ain't a good thing.

Woo hooo being back.

Bootchez said...

So glad you're back! Ooh, to weigh 135; someday, maybe.

Madison said...

Welcome back POM! Men...can't live with them, can't live without them. Come back to the running world, we miss you!

Sarah said...

welcome back, POM! Don't beat yourself up over Captain...I think most women have a "Captain" in their past. I know I did. It sounds like you're at the right place now.
And good luck with the weight loss goals! I'm at least 12 lbs over my happy weight but too scared to step on the scale and know for sure!

Romance said...

So glad you are back. For some reason was just thinking about last time I was in NB running (oh, I know why- have a work conference and looking for trails by my hotel) and you came to mind.

Loved all the dish

Judi said...

omg, it's about time. xxoo.

as for the running. ummm jess. i'm gonna give it to you like this - you harden the fuck up, and you get up and you GO RUN before work. I do it before 12 hour shifts dammit. you gotta just DO it.