My dearest Gluteus,
I’m writing you this letter today to reflect on our past and hopefully repair our connection. Apparently, I have been neglecting you lately. I didn’t realize your true value, and for that I am sorry.
Ever since I can remember you were there, right behind me. In college you became more prominent in my life. However, even then I did not take care of you. You were just there, growing, following me everywhere I went. Then about two years ago, I lost some weight. This must have annoyed you because you disappeared completely. Looking back, I can pinpoint that as the time our relationship went FLAT.
Your recent passive aggressive behavior is completely unacceptable. Because I ignored you, you took it upon yourself to involve my hips and knee in your little pain game. But now that I know you are the root of all my problems, I will deal with you directly.
Oh Gluteus Medias, being in the middle is not easy. Your meaty brother, Maximus is always taking the spotlight, while you and Minimus are rarely acknowledged. But from now on, it will be all about you. At least until we build up your confidence and you feel strong again.
So consider this my recommitment to you. Now that I know how important you are, I will make sure to include you in my work out and physical therapy ventures. Some of this may be painful, but it is for your own good. So please stop messing with my gait and jacking up my hips and knee. I will build you back up and in return you will help me run faster.
Circle one and return to me after class:
Songs of the day, dedicated to my booty:
Ms. New Booty by Bubba Sparxxx
Ms. Fat Booty by Mos Def
Booty Bounce by DJ Funk
Da Booty by A Tribe Called Quest