Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Unsolicited Advice- Take 2. A Lesson in Sarcasm

I’m taking Vanilla’s “Advice” and I’m going to dish out some of my own unsolicited advice! I’ve gotten enough over the years. It’s high time I share my vast knowledge of REALLY important subjects and highly educated opinions with the blog world. This will be fun.
Thanks for the Blog Idea Vanilla.

To: You Know Who You Are

1. You really should not wear sweats with writing across the butt if you have ANY junk in the trunk.
2. You really should keep up your hair extensions or people will know they are fake. Actually, everyone knows they are fake anyways.
3. You really should not wear socks with sandals.
4. You really shouldn’t raise your voice to the cashier because it just makes YOU look like an A$$-hole, not them.
5. You really should not eat fast food. That shiz will kill you.
6. You really should learn how to do a four-way stop. Here’s a hint: Left turns YIELD.
7. You really should stop drinking soda.
8. You really should get more sleep. You look tired.
9. You really shouldn’t play your car radio so loud because nobody else cares about your Big Booty Ho.
10. You (yeah, you reader) really should leave me a comment with some unsolicited advice you want to share with the world. (It does not necessarily have to be directed towards me.)

Because, sarcasm is funny, damn it.

Last, but not least. I read an article from Elizabeth Scott, M.S. and she states that unsolicited advice can be a cause of stress. So, I think after all this bologna, I really need to take a day off of work (paid) and de-stress from all the unsolicited advice flying around.

On a running note. I'm so over it. I tried to run a measly 4 mi this morning and, once again, had to walk the last mile home. My last 3 runs have totally bit the big one. I went to my first PT on Monday and I'm going back Thursday. I only talked with an assistant and she thinks I have Bursitis in my hips. However I still think it is more IT Band related because now my knee is hurting. They are often mistaken for each other. I can deal with (aka still run) if it's just my hips. But the knee pain is what makes me have to stop. Hopefully we can get to the bottom of it on Thursday and come up with some type of rehab plan. At this rate, there is no way I am running a race on Thanksgiving. Especially because I want to PR. Basically, I'm a grumpy stress ball negative ninny about this. It sucks A$$.

Song of the Day: None of Your Business by Salt-N-Pepa


Heather said...

Howdy. I got to you via Amy, the mormon with Lil Richard Simmons. Great blog!

Recent unsolicited advice: You'd really better get started on kids. What are you waiting for? I mean, really. You should get started RIGHT NOW.

me: Dude, I'm at work. I can't get started right now.

them: We'll you'd better work on it!

me: (silently) Fuck off.

Danielle in Iowa in Ireland said...

Speaking of kids (note I have no kids nor a maternal bone in my body), here is my unsolicited advice:

You really shouldn't let your kid scream their head off in public places - I am sure that all the crap you are letting them get away with is going to make them suck at life when they grow up.

Danielle in Iowa in Ireland said...

Oh yeah, I'm totally guilty of number 3.

Ian said...

LMAO! Here's my unsolicited advice for the world:

1. Don't take the elevator when you're only going up (or worse down) one floor. You slow the rest of us down who are trying to go 40+ floors.

2. The merge lane is there so you don't have to slow down!

Laurie said...

I don't have any clever unsolicited advice to share. I just came to commiserate. I have both ITBS and bursitis. It sucks. Oh wait, I guess I do have advice. Stop running. Your hip problem is more than likely causing your knee pain. You should get both of them under control before you start running again. The down time is just not worth it. I hope your PT finds a good solution for you.

Frayed Laces said...

Oh yippee! Venting time!

~You really should not talk about how crazy you think runners are if you take the elevator to the second floor after washing down your McFatty Meal with a McFatty Coke.

~You really should not curse loudly in public, especially around children

~You really should do your dishes, especially if your roommates are clean people!

~You really should yield to pedestrians in a crosswalk

~Dudes: you really should not catcall. It only makes you look clASSy.

~You really should try to fix what's wrong in your life before you try to tell me what's wrong in mine.

Ali said...

I love this ...

you shouldn't think by saying "smile" or "turn that frown upside down" that it will actually make someone smile.

you should not park you shopping cart in the middle of the aisle at the grocery store

you should always check who's in the stalls before bitching about someone in the restrooms

P.O.M. said...

You guys are awesome. A bunch of sassy blogger pals, I have. I love it!

Jeff said...

This one gets me;

Person who doesn't run (PWDR); You really shouldn't run so much, you are going to ruin your knees.

Me; Well, I really think my knees feel better now that I run properly, don't over do it , stretch, eat properly,and get my rest days in.

PWDR:I don't care what you say, you will be in a wheel chair if you keep it up.

Laura N said...

Great posts & comments. I needed the laughs today.

Hope your PT gets you all figured out Thursday. You know, you really should go have a glass of wine and chill out for a while. You'll feel better. ;-)

Lori said...

Oh, these are great and just what I needed!

*There really is a reason that parking lot aisles are that wide, so get your lazy a$$ to the side so vehicles can still park and/or drive.

*If you can't do two things at once, can we please not practice with driving and _____ (fill in the blank - talking on the phone, putting on makeup, READING! - seriously, take your pick).

*Concentrate more on the FIT of your clothes instead of the NUMBER on the label. Trust me, you will look smaller.

J said...

You are too funny! My kids and I would like to solicit this advice:

If you are REALLY going to get that fast food, at least park your car and walk in and get it instead of idling your car in line for 20 minutes!

I hope everything works out with the PT. Sending positive vibes...

Maddy said...

This may go hand in hand with #1, but I'll throw it out there anyway.

Just because you can put on ____ (fill in the blank with pants, shirt, micro mini in a size 17, etc...) does not mean it fits.

Full length mirror, people!

I hope your hips start feeling better. Rehab plan is tomorrow. You'll be back to it in no time!

teacherwoman said...

1. You shouldn't call me crazy for working out 5 days a week, complain about not having time, and then take an hour nap every day after work.

Unknown said...

Okay, this is definitely unsolicited advice, but somewhat serious: I too have been experiencing hip/knee issues (and my PT has prescribed a bunch of strengthening exercises for them), but I've found water running and the elliptical machine to be good, albeit boring, alternatives to "real" running!

Oh, and one more: you shouldn't work out in the morning because it's bad for you.

WTF? (I swear someone told me that. Apparently her mom, a nurse, said it wasn't good. I suppose if I were an elite athlete then I'd look into the best time of day to work out, but please -- ANY time you can get motivated to move your butt, all the better!)

Marcy said...

OMG!!!! Lovin the post and the comments themselves!! Sweet!!

Jess said...

First of all, RE the IT band/bursitis: pretty closely related. Essentially, either way, your IT is inflammed. The only reliable cure (in my own experience) is rest. Like 3 weeks of it. You can try taking IB (must take it like a prescription though for it to build up as an NSAID), ice, and foam rollering. They all help. But rest is the only tried and true cure.

Oh, massages also helped me.

Okay, so that was solicited advice. I think. Now for some unsolicited advice for the world:

Do NOt drag your feet. The swooshing of your flip flops along the pavement is the sound of your lethargic future. Pick up your god-damned feet and walk like you have a purpose.

Viv said...

Came across your blog from other running peeps. Love it!

I will share the unsolicited advice I recieved today.

You have lost a lot of weight just don't gain it back.

WTF, like that is what I really want to do!!

Margo said...

Love the post AND the comments! Hmmm, my unsolicited advice:

Please don't drive in the fast lane if you are going to drive under or the speed limit. The fast line is for those of us willing to fudge it a little!

Those who live in Houston and drive by Memorial Park may appreciate this - please don't slow your car down unexpectedly because you are checking out the runners! Can't you just buy a magazine so you can peruse at your own pace - it lasts longer too! ;)

Database Diva said...

I've been sitting on some very practical advice for a couple of weeks, waiting for a chance to share it, so here goes.... "Don't jump rope braless"

SoberMommie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
SoberMommie said...

Boy - I'm having a blonde day!

What I was trying to say was....
"The gas pedal is on the right!"

Thank goodness it's FRIDAY!!

zanne said...

here's my two cents of unsolicited advice: too much sugar will mess with your intestinal mojo.

oh - and, rolling around on a tennis ball will work wonders for that pain in the ass.