Friday, October 5, 2007

The Dark Years - kinda like the Wonder Years (NOT)

Yesterday I bumped into a friend that I have not seen in a few years. I guess I would call this person more of an acquaintance, but we hung out frequently. Anyway, I felt really weird because this person only knew me for the short period of time that I like to call “the dark years.” I’m so not that person anymore, but this stranger/acquaintance doesn’t know that. Or perhaps it shows. I hope it does.

This got me thinking about how different I am – inside and out.

Me in the “Dark Years” - let me paint a picture and it ain’t pretty. Health and fitness were not a priority. Actually partying was my priority and I was good at it. Thanks to that, I gained a bit of weight. At one point, I was pushin’ 170 ell bees. This didn’t help my self esteem much, which I didn’t really have in the first place. I was sad, lonely and unhappy. I was insecure and unsure of myself. I would drink at least a bottle of wine per night by myself. I dated boys (not men) that treated me poorly, because I didn’t think I deserved any better. I lived way above my means and got myself way into debt (like $12,000 worth!). Miserable and pathetic. I’m not sure how I appeared on the outside, but it’s definitely how I felt on the inside.

You may wonder why I am confessing all of this or why on EARTH I would post this creepy-arse picture. (This picture is not quite my heaviest. I could not bear to put that up!) The reason is that I am so happy I am not that girl anymore. I am proud of the changes that I’ve made. I’m very far from perfect. But I am so far from where I was. That girl is gone forever, thank the Lord!

For the first time in my life, I can say that I am happy where I am and WHO I am. I am happy with what I have overcome. I am excited when I think about my future. I make goals. I care about things.

Life is good!

Oh, and I ran a nice 4 miles this morning. Running 8 to 10 tomorrow, not sure yet. Depends on hips.

Apologize by Timbaland (featuring One Republic)


Laurel said...

Haha, wow...I really feel like you were writing my biography! I mean, spot on sister.

Congratulations on finding the real you!

Ian said...

This is great that you are doing so much better now!

Thanks for stopping by my blog... and staying for the whole afternoon. ;)

Productive day at the office? ;)

Unknown said...

i've known you for... let's see... 17 years now?! and you've always been the girl you are now on the inside!! we have ALL been there, done that, and thankfully... SURVIVED!

Anonymous said...

Everyone makes mistakes, not everyone lives to tell about them.

Thanks for sharing part of your story and thanks for stopping by my place -- you're welcome any time.

Maddy said...

Sometimes, you have to be at the bottom (or pretty close) before you can pull yourself out and rise above.

I think in one sense or another we've all had darker days.

Remembering those days helps make the healthy present and future that much more awesome!

Irish Blue said...

Sometimes I think it's easier for us to be our own worst enemy than it is to love ourselves.

You may have stumbled a bit, but it sounds like you've found the right path. Good for you.

Jes said...

Thank you for sharing. You are a very inspiring person. (o: I hope you have a great rest of the weekend!


Anne said...

I think we all have to hit a low before we can experience a real high. Congratulations on coming back from the dark side.

Nancy said...

Thanks for sharing this. You should be really proud that you have done so much and are where you are. I wish I were there but I am not quite there yet.

Marcy said...

You rock!! Awesome job on getting back on track :-) I also agree with Maddy

"I think in one sense or another we've all had darker days."

Thanks for stopping by ;D